Life of Bryan

In Deep Mourning

2010-11-07T16:07:00.003-05:00

My very good friend committed suicide last week. I'm heartbroken. Absolutely devastated. He was the closest thing to a twin I've ever come to. I have to redefine my life now that he is not in it.

I've been thinking a lot about the conversations we had over the course of our friendship. We were both gay, stuttering, speech-language pathologists, who relocated to Seattle from out east, now each pursuing PhDs in stuttering at midwest schools. Some of the more trivial similarities: both our birthdays summed to 19 (2/17, 8/11), both of us moved from states beginning with "M" (Maine, Michigan), neither of us could decide whether Boston or Seattle was our favorite US city. One of the most profound similarities was our background: both raised in Christian homes (his Catholic, mine non-denominational). Both of us struggled to reconcile or faith and our sexuality.

We dealt with this seemingly incongruous dichotomy differently. My friend felt ostracized by the church and felt pushed out, unwanted. I also felt these things (and continue to do so on occasion) but, I continued in the church. However, I adopted a more "liberal" stance. I studied scripture and based on my experience, education, the experience of others, and the fruit of the lives of others who had reconciled their sexuality with their faith I came the conclusion that I worked out my salvation with fear and trembling and I've made the best decision I could. I will be true to myself: I owe myself and the world honesty. I will not pretend to be something I am not. There is nothing more humbling than coming before God and saying, "here I am at your mercy." This is my mantra: as long as I continue in my relationship with God how could he lead me in a direction that is counter to his desire for my life.

There are a lot of things I don't know. There are some things I do not want to think about. There are some things I do not want to know. I don't know why my friend committed suicide. I do not really know what happens after death. But I do know that God is merciful and loving. I know that God's heart breaks for the injustice his Church commits. If my friend had lost hope I believe the Church may have had a role in it. I believe a portion of my friend's blood is on the Church's hands. Because we are gay, they ostracized us, told us we were unwanted, abnormal, deviant, disgusting. They might not do these things personally, but actions speak louder than words. The Church fights dirty when it comes to homosexuality: some stir up their congregation by using hateful language that propagates incorrect and falsely generalized stereotypes. Some fight to take away civil rights of gays rather than to love them. Some fight to criminalize their love when they should be reaching out to them.

If you say hateful things about gay men and women and push them away from God I utterly believe that you are responsible for their salvation. Check your words people. Words matter. Consider mine: I'm done staying silent. I'm now an activist. The lives of others are too important for me not to be.

Fun Times with Mom

2009-12-05T20:45:00.001-05:00

So, as some of you know, my mom is nearing the end of her life. One of the saving graces of this wretched time in my life is that my mom has kept her sense of humor. Here is one of my favorite stories:

Mom has had a taste for rice krispie treats. My grandma made her a whole pan. She had one of them, but her voracious family consumed the remainder of the pan. One Sunday morning, while my family was at church, Mom wanted a snack. Having no rice krispies Mom decided she wanted some chocolate no-bake cookies. If you haven't had them, they are little nuggets of heaven: a delicious combination of oatmeal, chocolate, peanut butter and sugar.

Being a good son, I made her some. However, she had some special instructions. "Make sure you hide them really well so the rest of them don't find them." Things were all well and good for a couple days. Mom had a bit of a cookie every now and then. And all was right with the world.

Then Tuesday came. Tuesday night my sister, Beth, walked into the living room eating a delicious piece of heaven. Thinking Mom was sound a sleep, all of us in the room jumped out of our skin when we heard her shrill, but surprisingly loud, voice say, "OH NO!!! They found them!!!" Once our heart rates returned to normal we ( I ) cracked up. I found it quite hilarious that the prospect of not getting another cookie elicited such a dramatic response.

In the following days my grandma made Mom another pan of rice krispies. I wrote, "MOM'S" on the plastic wrap over them. Four days later, we still have 2/3 pan.

I love my mom. I will miss my mom.

Dusting off the old Writing Skills

2009-08-23T19:54:00.002-04:00

So, my writing hat has sat unadorned for quite a while. I'm beginning my statement of purpose for applying to the University of Iowa and I'm feeling quite a bit rusty. It's hard work. I might share some of it later. We'll see how it turns out.

And I have sad news: the perpetual buzz cut is on it's way. My hair is just too thin on top to justify keeping it as long as I do :( and I'd rather be bald by choice than hanging on by a few wisps. Getting old is no fun.

Other tid bits of information worth knowing:

- the VA hospital in Seattle is looking for a speech pathologist. I'm thinking about applying.

- I'm also thinking about doing some cold calls to area hospitals. According to the other speech pathologist at work Seattle Children's Hospital has a waiting list for evaluations. So, they may be looking for some per diem speech pathologists.

- Justin and Natalie are coming to visit me in October. I'm very excited.

- my other stuttering speech pathologist friend has moved to Nebraska to begin his PhD ... I'm all alone again (not really).

- I'm just waiting for the paperwork to be turned in and processed and then I am a bona fide speech-language pathologist!!!! I'll be a CCC-SLP!!! (no longer CF-SLP)

- That's about it

Corn Fields, Hamburgers and Universities

2009-08-08T17:55:00.002-04:00

So, apparently 2009 has not been my year for faithful blogging.

I am currently sitting in the Eastern Iowa Airport awaiting my flight home attempting to ignore a troupe of rambunctious teenagers heading to Detroit (at least I hope they are going to Detroit because that flight is beginning to board now).

I visited the University of Iowa the past few days. I was impressed with the size of their department and the breadth of knowledge contained within their faculty's education and experience. I was also privy to the data collection process of a few subjects in their stuttering research lab. These included some standardized language and intelligence testing, gathering of kinematic data where the position of the upper lip, lower lip and jaw relative to various reference points around the face. This was similar to the data I analyzed for my thesis; however, there are striking differences as well. These are unimportant. I got to be nerdy: this is all that matters.

In addition to speaking with the researcher that I would be working with should I attend Iowa, I had the opportunity to speak with three PhD candidates and a student about to begin the PhD program in Educational Psychology. I was able to have a great number of my questions answered. And I had a fun time too! I drank so much coffee with the researcher and PhD students. I went bowling with some of the students and their spouses.

Iowa City is nothing to write home about. It reminds me of Kalamazoo: an art-sy large town surrounded by farms. There were things I enjoyed more about Iowa City versus Kalamazoo. The university abuts the downtown portion of the city, so downtown is easily accessible from the university. Speaking of downtown, it is rather small, but has a certain charm to it. There is a rather large pedestiran mall, quite a bit larger than the Kalamazoo Pedestrian Mall. The "Old State Capital" (Iowa City was the original capital of the State of Iowa), is clearly the center of townwith downtown radiating to the east and the west of the capitol building.

On the whole I enjoyed my visit. It reignited my excitment about continuing on in my education. I will be applying for the fall, but may possibly request a deferrment if the starts do not align.

A Little of This, a Little of That

2009-05-09T14:22:00.003-04:00

So I haven't posted in a while. Sorry about that.

Anyway - here are some highlights of my life thus far.

- I love living in Seattle. While it does rain frequently, there are days (like today) that completely make up for the fact that it rained ALL LAST WEEK! Today we have blue skies (a few clouds), cool temperature (high 50s, low 60s - I love that temperature). My neighborhood smells like flowers - constantly, my neighborhood library has ivy growing INSIDE the building, the sidewalks are carpeted in hues of pink and white from the amazing supply of tree flowers that have since shed their petals (it's really like snow in a way - but pink snow that's not cold). And finally, even when it's not a glorious day like it is today, the gray skies are rarely a singular shade of gray, but instead the sky is a rainbow of gray (I know - it's rather boring, but I had to try). ooh - yesterday after work, some friends and I drove down to the beach (we really should have walked, but we were beat after work so we drove). While sitting on a drift wood log peering out into the sound we enjoyed a sunset over the Olympic Mountains. It was rather fun.

- I enjoy my job. I don't love it, it's not the amazing-wonderful-best-job-ever I was hoping for. But it's a job that pays well that I enjoy. When I (finally) get my certification we will see what happens. I don't expect I'll leave Seattle, but the possibilities for finding a new job open up substantially. (but, in all honesty, because I am seriously considering pursuing a PhD at either the University of Iowa or Purdue University I may simply stay at my job and pick up some per diem work at a local hospital).

- I'm making friends. Some really good friends, others just acquaintances. But they are fun to share an evening with either way. In fact, some friends (Chris and Katy - they are speech pathologists too) are going to celebrate Katy's 27th birthday this very evening. (btw - I'm dreading my 27th birthday. Then I am officially in my "late 20's" ... how depressing).

All in all, my life is not very exciting. Sunsets on the beach, walking downtown to go to Pike Place Market to buy flowers or fresh fruits - I really need to go to the fish market though). Using my car for transportation to and from work and leaving it sit the rest of the time - love it! But I'm a city boy now. I think I'll have a rough time adjusting to life in suburban American if (when) I move there again. But that's then - this is now. I plan on fully enjoying my urban life until I am forced to leave :)

Three Hours

2009-01-31T15:29:00.002-05:00

I'm wondering if other east "coast" transplants to the west coast have this sensation: I feel disconnected from the rest of the world.

It's not that I don't enjoy Seattle. I love Seattle. It's not that I'm lonely. I am making friends. It's not that I need anything. It's just that I feel so far away from the rest of the world. I can talk to my friends in New Zealand who are three hours behind me, tomorrow (as in when I'm talking to them at 9PM on Sunday they are talking to me at 6PM on Monday). I generally take a late lunch, and so when I'm eating lunch Europe is settling down to sleep and the east coast is leaving work and starting to have dinner. I'm not used to feeling so behind schedule. I'm sure I will become accustomed to it. It's just odd to see a time stamp on a presidential speech that is three hours ahead of schedule. It's just odd. I don't think it would be different if I were at the other end of the spectrum (i.e., in New Zealand and having dinner when the rest of the world is waking up.

I'm used to being at the center of the world: that being when Western Europe and the East Coast are awake. I'm not there anymore. and it's a little odd. I miss being just 4-5 hours behind London (depending on Day-Light Savings time). This 7-8 bour buisness is crazy.

OMG - this guy sitting next to me keeps hauking up snot and it's gross. I want him to stop. It's just gross. BLOW YOUR FREAKING NOSE!!!!!!!!

Anyway - it's time for lunch.

When it Rains it Pours

2009-01-05T03:05:00.002-05:00

And then the heavens open up and dump a veritable monsoon on top of my head.

Seattle is getting *ahem* more snow. I'm sick of this!

Tonight I was having dinner with some friends. And when I go to leave my friend's house there was a note on my car saying that a rather large vehicle had ran into my car and then subsequently run off without leaving any information. Thankfully, the observers were able to obtain the vehicle's license plate number. Oh JOY! More dealing with insurance companies, and my car is assuredly totaled now. I will *not* be purchasing a nice car. I might even continue to drive my car, broken truck, dented-in rear drivers side door until it falls apart. Ironically, this was the same door that struck the pole way back in January 2004. Great. At this rate it's not worth purchasing a valuable piece of property.

I'm ready for my good luck to start. My bad luck has just about run it's course. Three times over.

I'm Sick of Snow

2008-12-23T21:26:00.003-05:00

So, it's been a while.

Sorry.

In my defense I've been getting used to a new city and job. It's a poor excuse, I know, but it's all I've got. And I've written blog posts, I just never had internet access to publish them.

But now I feel as though I'm finally getting the hang of work, and all that jazz. There are some recent developments in my life ... I have a chair and ottoman in my apartment!! And I've made friends.

So the chair I bought at ikea. I will slowly be accumulating furniture from ikea over the next year. The friends I've made through work, mutual friends, meeting people around town, and other such things. The person I hang out with the most is Chris. I met him through the National Stutterers Association. He is also a 26 year old male speech pathologist who recently located to Seattle. Oh, and he stutters too. So - he has fulfilled my need to be nerdy. I get to talk about all sorts of nerdy stuff with him. It's great. He lives in another neighborhood of Seattle (West Seattle) about 8 miles from my house. And he works in a school a bit south of the city. There are Phillip, Will and Hannah I've met through our mutual friend (Phillip's brother) Jacob (aka: Cup). We played Settlers of Catan once, and there was the promise for another round, but so far that hasn't happened yet. Then there are the work friends (I use the word friend loosely, because virtually all of them are middle-aged parents, so we don't hang out a lot). We haven't hung out , but there was a Christmas party, and there will be another Christmas party after Christmas (it was supposed to be on Sunday, but due to the ridiculous amount of snow Seattle has received, it was cancelled). Then there are people around the neighborhood I occasionally hang out with, there's Brian, and Susan, and Susan's roommate (can't remember her name, whoops!). So, that's basically my small friend circle. It will expand. Chris has another speech pathologist friend who he hangs out with a lot. So, Chris and Katy will attempt to replace the camaraderie I had with my grad school friends.

So anyway - speaking about the snow. I had intended to go see a movie tonight up in the University District. And well, let's just say that because of the snow what is normally a 10 minute drive is taking over an hour. I thought I was leaving in plenty of time (5:30 for a 7:00 movie). Well, let's just say when the 5:50 bus finally arrived at the bus stop it was 6:20. I decided against spending the $1.50 for a bus fair that wasn't going to get me there in time, and instead walked to get a coffee and banana bread from Tully's. (Which, by the way, are both delicious).

More about the snow ... every winter my back starts to ache because of all the tension I have while driving in snow. Well - my back and neck are KILLING ME! (I'm going to take a VERY hot shower tonight). I've slid backwards down a hill twice. Once, almost hitting several cars. I was really really stuck on one of them and would have had to leave my car in the middle of the street. But some random people, seeing my plight decided to lend a helping hand and push my car. I've had to abandon my car in different parts of my neighborhood because I can't get it to my apartment. Twice. Right now my car is about 10 blocks uphill from my house. Last night it was 6 blocks downhill.

My land lady said that she has lived in Seattle for 30 years and she doesn't remember ever having this much snow. Seattle (a city of more than 500,000 people) has 27 (yep, twenty-seven) plows. I have yet to see one of those ellusive snow plows. I don't think they exist. And Seattle doesn't use salt on the roads (partially because it rarely snows here and partially because of the damage to the environment it causes). Needless to say: I miss that lovely thing called rock salt.

Some notable things I've seen as a result of the snow include: people sledding down the street. Incidently, the same street those buses were attempting to go down when they collided and almost fell onto the freeway. Speaking of which, as a result of the snow I'm taking another route to the freeway than normal, and so I drive under that spot everyday. It's a little weird seeing a 10 foot section of retaining wall missing. I've seen someone skiing down the street, a woman walking down the street with ski poles (admittedly, I had earlier wished for some), people shoveling a parking lot with a dust pan, a tree brach collapsed (either from wind or snow, don't know) that smashed in a car. Cars that are still covered in snow becaue they can't get out from underneath all the snow. I've seen city buses being pushed up hills by heavy duty tow trucks. And I have seen more people fall on ice then I have in a very long time. I have fallen three times, almost falling like 2789409823745637238765234 times. It's crazy. People who shovel their sidewalks are my BEST friends right now. Imagine walking home from the grocery store with eggs in your bag and seeing the three people before you slip on a particular patch of ice. Thankfully, I made it down with 12 unbroken eggs. Some of the roads are like sheets of ice (half of the roads in my neighborhood, hence, my car 10 blocks away from my house). Some are like pools of slush with some sand mixed in (like the ones by work). And some are like roads with mounds of snow. Imagine driving on a road covered with speed bumps of varying size and shape, and that's what 10th street is like. There are still many many closed roads. Literally, half the roads in my neighborhood are closed due to the ice, there are three ways to get to my apartment, two of them are closed. (well technically just one is closed, but the other is so steep that I'm not willing to try it - it's just not busy enough of a street to bother closing).

Anyway, (just saw a guy with snow shoes on). That's enough blabbering for now. I'll write more often, I promise.

I'm not Dead, I promise!!

2008-10-08T13:59:00.002-04:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while ... over a month! eek!

Anyway, I thought I would post another life update (side note: I just saw a guy walk past with a Siamese cat perched on his shoulder. So funny. I love the odd things you see in big cities).

Ok, so I'm in Seattle. Currently I'm at a coffee shop looking up how to become an official resident of Washington. It's great.

So, I'll tell you a little bit about my apartment. It is just a hop skip and a jump away from downtown Seattle. I walked from my apartment to Broadway, which has a lot of little shops and coffee houses on it. Right now I'm at a Tully's at Broadway and Pike (if you wanted to google map it). From my front window I have a spectacular view of Lake Union, the Aurora Bridge, and the Queen Anne, Fremont and Wallingford neighborhoods. I'll post pictures soon.

So, yesterday I hung out with my friend Jacob (also known as "cup"). We went to lunch with a missionary friend of his parents. Bandou is from Sri Lanka and is traveling the US and Canada telling churches of his work in Sri Lanka and India. After lunch we went to Cup's house, which is on Anderson Island (the southernmost island in the Puget sound), we went kayaking in a little bay on the island, and I got to meet the majority of his family (to Justin, Natalie and Theresa ... I've met all the Kobernicks except 1 now hahahaha). Then Cup's mom sent me home with a bag full of fresh veggies from the garden. It was great!!

Anyway - my coffee is gone and I'm getting hungry, so I think I'll start the walk home to make some lunch.

Should have brought a coat!!!

2008-08-28T14:06:00.002-04:00

That's what I'm thinking right now: I should have brought a coat. Not because it's rainy, but because I'M COLD!!!! Of course, I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm sitting directly beneath an air conditioning vent in the coffee shop I'm in. Which begs the question - why is the air conditioning on anyway - it's only 65 degrees outside!!

Anyway. The skies are still gray and I still don't hate my life from lack of sunlight! (Course, I've never really disliked cloudy days anyway). Today I'm in Seattle's Fremont neighborhood. I walked around Seattle Pacific University for a bit, and right now I'm looking out the window at the Aurora Bridge and as soon as my coffee is gone (approximately 20 minutes) I'll be going to see the Seattle Troll. For those of you who have seen the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, there is a scene where Cameron and Bianca have a conversation while sitting on the troll.

So - enough of this blabbing blitheringly (do you like my atrocious alliteration?) What about the facilities I toured yesterday? Ok, so I toured two facilities yesterday. If I am offered this job I will be half time in each facility. Not altogether a bad deal - they are just about 5 minutes apart. So the first place: Richmond Beach Rehab. Really nice cottage style building, yellow siding, nice big windows. Looks like a fairly new building. There were decorations on the wall, nice carpeting, good wall treatments etc etc etc. Basically - they take care of the building and it shows. The patients were smiling, joking with the support and therapy staff. I met with the rehab director (a physical therapist) any my CFY supervisor. We had a great conversation. They gave me lunch, it was great. (And it's like two blocks from the Puget Sound - so it's really close to the water!) So, there was at least one flaw I can think of: there was a general lack of parking. The second place, Crista (I forget their whole name - it's just referred to as Crista). Anyway. Once again - very nice building. This one looks like a castle. It's crazy. However, the building where I'd be working is not the building that looks like a castle. It's one of the outbuildings. The staff was congenial and fun to interact with. There was a bit of confusion because I was told I was supposed to talk with Deb. Well, there were two Debs, and so the front desk attendant called the wrong Deb and there was a little mix up because she didn't know she was interviewing someone and mass pandemonium. But 5 minutes later we figured everything out and we shared a laugh over it. But fun staff, it's a busy place, which is kinda nice. It's organized in a functional way, the patients were smiling and joking with the staff - so once again, it seems like it would be a good place to work.

So, after the tours I called my recruiter and told her that I would rather work in the Seattle locations. She is 'doing her thing' and should have an offer for me on Friday. We'll see what happens (if the stars align just right so I can work in the Seattle facilities - I guess it may take some finagling because there are two facilities so we'll see what happens). Anyway, I should have an update tomorrow.

Yay!!

SEATTLE!!!!! (and tacoma too)

2008-08-26T21:11:00.002-04:00

So, I'm back in Seattle. Just for the remainder of the week. It's a little after 6pm local time, and I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Seattle's Queen Anne neighborhood. Today is a stereotypical Seattle day: overcast and cool. It's only about 65 degrees. I am perfectly fine with that (although don't think I'll be wearing the shorts I packed, it's supposed to be in the high 60's/low 70's all week).

So, I made some noteworthy observations today ...

1) northwest MI and Northeast WI really look like they do on the map. We flew over Lake Michigan and I was able to see the Grand Traverse Bay, the Sleeping Bear Dunes, and both Beaver Islands, and then opposite that - Green Bay as well. So - that's that.

2) *Warning - nerd moment* Then on the plane over I was able to sit behind and kitty-corner to another stutterer. I would have liked to have talked with him, but the flight was entirely too full to manage switching seats and all that. Anyway, I enjoyed eaves dropping on the conversation he was having with his seat buddy and more importantly the stewardess. So, the stutterer, we'll call him Henry, was talking with his single serving friend (thank you Fight Club) and they were having a nice little chat. I would call Henry a moderate stutterer (to add context I'm a mild stutterer). And Henry was doing a great job stuttering - I was impressed with the manner in which he stuttered openly and easily - not the point. Henry's single serving friend was congenial and unobtrusive - the perfect conversation partner. The stewardess, however, was not. SHE NEVER LOOKED AT HIM WHEN HE TALKED TO HER!! By contrast, she and Henry's single serving friend made eye contact and all that jazz. I was a little annoyed by her. Anyway. *nerd moment over*

3) My first impression of Tacoma - holy hills! The city is one big hill. Literally.

4) The facility I toured (in Tacoma) this afternoon was just about what I was expecting but less than I was hoping for (I was hoping for the impossible, just so we're all aware). It is a mix of short term stay and long-term care. Fairly typical, my caseload would probably not be that exciting, strokes, general debility, etc. The facility itself was not amazing, but it was acceptable. I was disappointed with their selection of therapy materials and testing supplies. That is something we would need to rectify. It would also be nice to have a MBS suite in house (but I was spoiled with that at Southwest, so I shouldn't expect every rehab facility to have one). I think I could work there. I would like a bigger facility (more therapists) but it could work.

5) I like Seattle - even on the stereotypical cloudy days.

That's about it for now .... I'll have more later, I'm sure.

Happy Birthday to Bryan

2008-08-11T22:22:00.002-04:00

Hey! I'm 26! Virtually as old as the Dead Sea Scrolls, I know I know - shut it!

Anyway, I got an absolutely fabulous birthday present today ... I've been working with a staffing company in the Northwest Region (Infinity Rehab), anyway. For a while there were not any speech openings in Seattle (where I would love to be living); however, they do have positions in Tacoma. So - we had been exploring the possibility of working/living in Tacoma. Anyway. I had a phone interview with the therapy director (a COTA - for those of you who care), and had a great interview - later I was told that I had "aced" the interview. Anyway - not the point. The point is that while following up with the Washington recruiter, she told me that a position in Seattle had just opened up! So, she began telling me about it. And it sounds like it could be pretty cool. The only thing is - that after thinking about living in Tacoma I had kinda become attached to the idea of living in Tacoma. (such is life, eh). So, the recruiter said it would be perfect if I could come visit each place and choose the better of the two for me.

So, there will probably be another trip out to the great Northwest in the near future (but not 'till the end of August / beginning of September). I might get to live in Seattle after all!! I LOVE Seattle - it says to me: "Bryan, I am your home."

So, other than that the only other news to report is - that I had a great time eating sushi with grad school friends. We all got different rolls and shared it was delicious. I got the spider roll (soft shell crab, asparagus, avocado and egg cake - delicious). Then we went out for ice cream afterwards (at Plum Crazzy). I got the peanut butter fudge ice cream (surprise, he got something with peanut butter in it!?!?).

Anyway, I'm at fourth coast (another coffee shop in town, but this one's not smoke free) and my eyes are burning. I'm here because it has internet (my house has no internet for the time being) and it was close to where I was (my car was at the library). But in an effort to save my eyes, lungs, larynx and clothes I'm going to shut up and leave this place. Ok ... bye.

Kwame

2008-08-09T12:35:00.002-04:00

So - this whole deal is getting to the point of being beyond ridiculous. For those of you who might not know (obviously you either don't live in Michigan or you've had your head in the ground for the past 6 months) but, the illustrious city of Detroit has a mayor (Kwame Kilpatrick) who has been indicted with many felony charges which include (but are not limited to) perjury, and most recently assault. All of this over some text messages which indicate that he lied about having an affair with his top aide during a whistle-blower trial.

Granted, the real issue *may* not be about the affair, but instead about the fact that several police officers lost their jobs because they uncovered the affair. But honestly - this has gone far enough. It has been blown COMPLETELY out of proportion. Previous to this incident, Detroit's image was already marred due to the sagging economy, failing automotive industry, the stereotype of rampant crime throughout the city and it's pattern of urban sprawl. Does it really need another blemish on it's already scar-encrusted face? And if the simple fact that the mayor and the city officials are in a heated hissy-fit wasn't enough, we now have the attorney general heaping on more felony charges. THIS IS NOT SOLVING ANYTHING!

Kwame needs to step down, and the city and state officials need to stop making such a big fuss! This brouhaha is not helpful for either the city of Detroit nor the state of Michigan. We are fighting enough battles that are out of our control - the failing state economy, the tanking federal economy, the failure of the auto industry, the abysmal performance of some public schools. We need not fight amongst ourselves, but instead work together to promote and rebuild Michigan and Detroit. Michigan has a lot to offer, Detroit could be a shining beacon of Michigan and the country - let us stop stabbing each other in the back and work together.

Ok - I'm done with my political rant for the month.

In other news ...

I had a phone interview with a VA Hospital in Long Beach, CA (did I mention that, I don't remember). And I'm going to be talking with a long-term care facility in Tacoma, WA. I also had a phone interview with a private practice in Arizona ... I'm not sure this is exactly what I'm looking for (but the salary is really nice). So - there are options available to me. I just have to decide which one. The best job is the VA hospital in Long Beach, CA. I am hopeful for that job.

Time will tell.

Jobs Jobs Jobs

2008-08-05T16:44:00.002-04:00

So - I've got some leads.

I've requested more information about a job in Tacoma, Washington (about 45 mins south of Seattle). Tacoma is not as big as Seattle, but there's still about 200,000 people there, so it's not a minuscule city. I've heard it's got a smell to it, but I've never been there, so I can't vouch.

I also had a phone interview with the Long Beach, CA Veteran's Affairs Hospital. This would be a really good job. It's not exactly where I would want to be in the VA system, but it's a foot in the door. Long Beach is bigger than I expected - 400,000 people. So - that's a nice surprise. And it's much more affordable than the SF bay area, and it's in Los Angeles County and not the insanely over priced Orange County. We'll see what happens.

I'm still waiting to hear from some places I submitted applications (i.e., Seattle Children's Hospital, Indiana Rehabilitation Hospital, etc) ... so hopefully I'll get more leads soon!!

I Hate Murphy and his Law

2008-08-04T11:50:00.002-04:00

So, I'm still waiting on the job situation. No real updates. I did hear back from the private practice in Seattle. They said that now they will not know until the end of August (because the lady who is leaving pushed her leave date back to the end of September). Now this says a couple things to me: 1 - I'm not exactly what they're looking for (if I was then there wouldn't be a need to wait until the end of August), 2 - I'm not what they are not looking for (if that were true then they would just tell me that they decided to go with someone else).

So, I have essentially begun my job search again. I've contacted a couple contract companies, but if they do not have what I'm looking for I'm not going to mess with them. And I've also begun expanding my job search outside of the pacific northwest region; however, my own personal rule for applying for jobs outside of Seattle is that they must be really good jobs where I would see a lot of interesting cases. So, I'm applying to a lot of hospitals. There was on in Indianapolis, two in Washington DC, a bunch in southern California (smog, yuck!), and one in Seattle (this is a great job in a great place - too good to be true, so Murphy's Law will take effect and I wont get this one, I'm not be pessimistic, just realistic).

So, time will tell. I'll keep you posted.

The Awaited, Long Over-due Update of Bryan's Life

2008-07-22T10:53:00.002-04:00

Ok ... so I've made a decision.

I still have not heard from all of the places I interviewed at (the one remaining is the private practice in Seattle). Anyway. Nevertheless, I have made a decision. But before I get to that you all need some context.

First, it looks like California is going to be a bust. Although I got an offer at the autism clinic I am not going to accept it because I have fundamental problems with their ideational philosophy of therapy. Basically - they believe that by shaping simple behavior with small reinforcers (candy, verbal praise) they can shape complex behavior and ultimately cognition. I think that the human brain is much more complex and what is really going on is they are shaping the students to be ... well, well-trained. So, I do not think that I should go there. Then, the hospital in San Mateo went with another candidate. And finally, I withdrew my application at the third place (long story - basically they didn't want to hire me because of my stutter [illegal, I know, but if this is how they're going to be I don't want to work for them anyway, so there's no point in pursuing legal action]. There's a lot more to the story, maybe I'll recount it in a later entry). So - that sums up California. California = bust. Which - that's sad because I really liked the weather.

So, in Seattle. I have an offer at the public school system and I'm waiting to hear from the private practice. The school system might work - but I'm not excited about that either. Besides there are lots of hoops to jump through - finger prints, sending transcripts, etc. And it's not what I really want to be doing anyway. So ... this is the decision I've come to:

I'm moving to Seattle regardless of whether I get the private practice job or not. If I do not get the job then I will work at a nursing home for a while until something better comes along. It's not an ideal job, but I'll make more money that I would in the schools and I'll feel better about leaving in the middle of the year if something better comes along.

So I'm sure there are a number of questions. For instance, why Seattle? Well - because I absolutely LOVED it out there. It was amazing. There was enough to do, the people were friendly, there is city, mountains, water, wilderness all within an hour drive. Plus - it's just a super cool city. And if I'm not going to get my ideal job I'd rather be in an ideal place with a less than ideal job than a less than ideal place with a less than ideal job.

Next - why nursing home over school? It's not ideal, but it gets me medical speech pathology experience and higher pay. The road to unhappiness is paved with gold, this I realize. But if something better comes along mid year I want to feel okay with leaving. And nursing homes can better afford to contract out. Plus, I'll be working with a contract company, so they will provide a housing stipend for me. Along with more continuing education money, a sign-on bonus and moving expenses.

Anyway - I don't have a job yet ... and I will not be moving until I have a job. So, I need to get cracking.

So, that sums up my life so far. YAY for Seattle!

Update ...

2008-07-07T16:36:00.002-04:00

So, it is about time I gave an update on the good ol' job search.

Sadly, it doesn't look like California is working out for me. I was rejected from one place, terminated my application at another (that is a whole other blog post ... to be relayed later), and got one job offer that I'm not too terribly excited about (they ascribe to a therapy paradigm that I think it absolute crack science). Then, up in Washington, I have virtually gotten an offer (contingent on references and letters of recommendation ... these should all be fine). And then I'm waiting to hear from the final place (which coincidentally is the job I like the most ... grrrr ... if patience is a virtue you can keep it). They will get back to me the end of July.

Meanwhile, I am sending out more applications. This time, I think I'm going into a more medical focus ... I'm sending applications to various Veteran's Affairs hospitals (Seattle, Portland, Sacramento, So. Cal., DC). I do have the opportunity for a phone interview with Cincinnati Children's Hospital - but it's for a satellite campus for psychologically impaired kids - not sure that's exactly what I'm looking for, we'll see.

Anyway, that's my job search life in a infinitesimal nutshell. Hopefully it suffices for now.

Dilemma

2008-07-03T12:55:00.004-04:00

So, I've got this dilemma. I've been over hearing this group of English teachers discuss their coursework for the coming year ... this is not the interesting or dilemmatic aspect. The dilemma resides here: one of the teachers stutters (very mildly, his colleagues might not even notice, but it's there ... short blocks, repetitions, prolongations, interjections and avoidance of words). So, I'm wondering, do I go introduce myself and ask about his experiences stuttering? Or would that freak a guy out?

We'll see.

Ugg

2008-06-27T11:40:00.003-04:00

So, I'm back. I'm at my usual haunt - Waterstreet. However, today I am not enjoying my typical dark roast coffee, instead I am enjoying "Iced Coffee with a BANG!" Basically, a really cold and really strong Americano. Anyway. So, I've been back for a little over 8 hours and I miss the west coast already. While leaving Midway airport in Chicago walking outside was like walking into a brick wall - you don't realize how much you don't miss humidity until you don't have it for a while and then are suddenly pushed into an atmosphere that's more water vapor than air - gross. It's before noon and my clothes are already sticking to me. So I'm left wondering ... why don't we all live on the west coast?

Anyway. My Out West Extravaganza has officially come to a close. Now is the time I enjoy my last summer vacation and read lots of books and wait for the job offers to roll in. (here's to hoping).

On the whole it's hard to say whether I liked the bay area or Seattle better. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. The bay area has beautiful summer weather ... my friend just walked in, I'm going to hang out ... I'll finish this later

Truths

2008-06-25T18:14:00.003-04:00

Of all the truths in the world that exist, this is most evident - my feet hurt. I have literally walked miles all over Seattle, and I didn't bring good walking shoes to boot! So, I'm back in one of my fun little parks I've "discovered" - this one is right downtown two blocks down Pike St from the Pike Place Market. The one with the wifi. This is truly a multi-sensory experience, there is the constant drone of traffic rumbling down Pike St and 3rd Ave, a bagpipe playing in the distance, the shhhing of the fountain behind me, the voices of people passing by. Then there is the actual sport of people watching - very interesting ... one of my favorite past times. I'm just going to list the things I see - just for fun.

Two guys attempting to discretely drink beer from styrofoam cups (one of which had a repaired cleft lip) ... I must admit that I aided and abbedded the beer drinkers, I let them borrow my bottle opener ... after which they offered me swigs of their beers - two good beers, Harp Lager and Smithwicks ... good quality beers ... although warm. They are actually from Oberlin College in Oberlin, OH - imagine that.

An elderly man feeding bread crumbs to the pigeons

Several homeless people napping on the benches

Tourists taking pictures

Children running through the fountain (and screaming too)

A pigeon mating ritual, or something ike taht - a big puffed up pigeon chasing a smaller one

A girl walking her boxer who just spat, very un-lady-like, on the groud

Ok - I'm done with that now.

Let me tell you another truth - this truth is about my night last night. I went out an walked around the Capital Hill neighborhood last night. Walked around, looked at some apartments I had found online, played a couple games of pool, hung out with some random people I met - I had a great time. So - I begin to make my way home, only to realize that the bus route I had intended on taking made it's last run about a half hour before. Not a particularly ideal situation. So, I found another bus that was headed in the same direction and decided that I would hop on that one and get off once it stopped going in the direction(s) I wanted to go in. So - that's what I did, and thankfully my plan worked - the bus stopped going the direction I wanted to go (North and/or East) about 16 blocks from my friends house. 16 blocks - that's nothing. So, I walked back to his house, past some raucous parties (Philip lives right near the University of Washington, Seattle). So anyway. I get to Philip's house and all the doors are locked. I call him ... many many times, send him text messages, pound on the front door, back door, his bedroom window ... it is as this point I make a realization : Philip is very much like his older brother: they both sleep like the dead. So, I knew there was no way I was going to get into the house. So, I thought about going to a 24 hr coffee shop or some other establishment ... couple flaws with that plan. My computer was locked inside the house, so I couldn't locate the nearest one, and seeing as though we were in a neighborhood that was quite a distance from downtown, and university was out for summer I assumed that finding a 24 hr establishment was going to be difficult. So, I went back to the Safeway I had passed on my way there and searched for a blanket or towel ... no dice. So, I bought some paper towels instead. Then using a broken coffee table, chair and door mats laying on the front porch I made a lean-to against the house in and effort to break the wind, then wrapped my head and feet and stuffed my shirt with paper towels ... at this point I should mention that I was wearing a very light t-shirt, a tank top underneath that, pants and sandals (no socks). That night was by far the coldest night I have had in a long time. Finally, several (like 4) hours later about 4:30 Philip woke up and opened the door for me. Needless to say - I was not happy. So, I slept until about 10 and then got up and began my day much later than I wanted to.

Anyway, the wind has picked up a bit and now my arms are getting a bit chilled ... think I'll go inside.

SPL

2008-06-24T16:19:00.003-04:00

Ok, the Seattle Public Library is BY FAR the COOLEST library I have ever been in. You need to look it up online and read about it - because my limited linguistic skills cannot do it justice here. That's all I really have to say.

My last interview is in about an hour. I've got my bus route all planned out. It is going to be great. Anyway. I went to the Space Needle after I left Cafe Bella. That was fun. I just saw a sign that said roof access ... I have to go check that out.

Cafe Bella

2008-06-24T13:00:00.002-04:00

From the Italian, meaning beautiful coffee. To which I agree. If you haven't guessed, I am in, yet another, coffee shop. Frequent purveyors of my blog will realize that I do most of my blogging in coffee shops. So this coffee shop is right outside the Space Needle. I found the downtown terminus of the Monorail and decided I should go see the Space Needle, but I didn't want to ride the there, so I decided to follow it and found myself at this little park next to this coffee shop, another Thai restaurant and a laundromat. Thus I am enjoying my broccoli and cheese croissant and cafe americano. Both are delicious.

Anyway. About my interview yesterday. For those of you who were not aware, this interview yesterday was at the place that, prior to leaving on my Out West Extravaganza, I thought I really wanted to work at. And, it seems like a good place to work. There is one glitch (with all of my job possibilities) I fear that my desire to live without a car is quickly vanishing. At this job my time would be split at the offices in Seattle and Bellevue (a suburb approximately 15 minutes away). However, the interview itself went quite well. Carol (my interviewer) took me to a private coffee shop just down the street from the office for our interview. (That coffee was my fourth of the day 1- on the way to the airport, 2- in downtown Seattle, 3- waiting for my interview and 4- at the interview).

On my Out West Extravaganza I find myself drinking a lot more coffee and eating less often - probably not the healthiest thing to be doing - but I having a great time doing it. Yesterday I had Cheese Nips on the plane, and then some chips and salsa and 1/2 of minestrone soup. I'm starting today off better with a broccoli and cheese croissant (I think I already mentioned that).

Anyway, keeping with Seattle tradition, I saw yet another elderly man using a wheelchair today; however, I think he was a repeat from yesterday. They are everywhere out here - I love it. I love that they feel comfortable to come out and interact with society in day-to-day activities. That's how it should be! Due to the fact that I have seen so many of them (relatively) I assume that they do not encounter too much adverse reactions. It would be interesting to talk to them about the reactions they get during their day to day interactions.

Anyway. In Seattle the weather is beautiful. Blue skies, clear view of Mt. Rainier. The Sound is a picturesque shade of blue, David Gray has just come on over the speakers of Cafe Bella. To all you people that said it rains so much in Seattle - it hasn't rained yet!

Anyway. I'm just about done with my (late) breakfast. OH, I didn't tell you about my sleeping arrangements. They are ... interesting. I'm staying with my friend's brother in a house filled with several examples of the archetypical college undergrad male. To be fair, two of them just graduated. There are three of them (I think - there might be four, two of which are brothers). I'm staying in was, at one time, a hookah lounge. There are bean bags everywhere, red sponge paint radiating out from the window in lines whose width increases as they move away from the window (I assume in an attempt to simulate the sun), multi-colored veneer cloths hanging from the ceiling underneath which is a singular strand of multi-colored Christmas lights. Furthermore, it has a slight twinge of cat pee to it (probably from the bean bags). I'm sleeping on what my friend's brother called a futon. This is not a futon, this is more like a long, overused pillow. My friend didn't have a a blanket to give me, so we had to go buy one, as well as a pillow. And he gave me a sheet to cover the 'futon'. The sheet is an intricately designed duvet cover. Now, I'm not knocking my sleeping arrangements - they are free and these guys don't have the lifestyle to welcome a guest in comfort and leisure. (however, a towel would have been nice - I might buy one today).

Funny - I just saw a me walking around outside. White guy with a backpack and camera walking around looking for pictures. Alright, I think I'm going to sign off and go out an explore some more.

Before My Interview

2008-06-24T00:37:00.001-04:00

Ok – so Seattle must be a haven for adults with disabilities who use wheelchairs – in my 10 minute walk downtown I saw no less than 3 adults (2 men 1 woman) wheeling around downtown. Oddly enough, all of them with some spasticity. That is more people I have observed at any one time! And all in the same couple blocks! Right now I’m a couple blocks from my interview, in a Tully’s Coffee House, listening to Beautiful by James Blunt. My interview begins in 30 minutes. I like this neighborhood. To my right an Irish pub, directly across a party store sporting rainbow flags, next to this a Thai restaurant with some language scrawl I cannot recognize (what language do they speak in Thailand?), next to this a pizza house, followed by a little two screen movie theatre that reminds me so much of the old Main Theatre in downtown Coldwater. Kitty-corner to me is a Washington Mutual bank with a banner for the “Wallingford Seafair Kiddies Parade and Festival” (Wallingford is the name of this neighborhood). Finally, a Starbucks just a couple doors down on the left. If my seat were 15 feet over I would have a fantastic view of downtown Seattle, but then I would also be sitting in the street – so I’m opting for the safer, yet less picturesque seat. The bus system is much easier to manage than in San Francisco.

The clouds have mostly disappeared and there is a playful blue sky overhead. While riding the bus here I was able to see the mountains, I passed by the Space Needle. I was told that I need to go do that, even though it’s a bit tourist-y. The lady I’m interviewing with and I have been communicating via email and she has given me lots of ideas on what to do / see while in Seattle. I’m excited. I also got to see Pike Place Market … didn’t go in, because I was over laden with my stuff. Tomorrow. Anyway, my interview is in 20 minutes I think I’ll post this and then begin walking down the street to my interview.

Never mind, the internet has decided to stop working – I’ll post it later. TTFN!

The Emerald City

2008-06-23T16:42:00.002-04:00

So I’m in a park in Downtown Seattle (in fact I’m in drinking some of “Seattle’s Best Coffee." So - let me recap so that this minute detail is not missed - I'm online in a city park in downtown Seattle - online for free!

My initial thought is that Seattle is a better fit for me that San Francisco (city wide free wifi - well - it's a pilot program). The temperature is amazing – hovering right below 60. Warm enough to be outside, but no where near the sweltering heat that Sacramento was. The sky is gray, but the sun is trying to poke through. Seattle makes up for the lack of color with lots and lots of plants, and colorful sidewalks (I’m looking out at some red, charcoal and gray patterns in the sidewalks.

Meanwhile, the way the people are dressed does not make me feel like I stand out as much as I did in San Francisco. They are all dressed preppy – like I want to dress. I passed a Banana Republic Men store on my way here – mental note. And really – with some notable exceptions, Seattle looks like a Banana Republic catalogue. Ooh, wait, I just saw a mullet. HOLY COW, I JUST SAW A MAN WITH SOME TYPE OF SPASTICITY IN HIS FACE AND (AT LEAST) LEFT ARM WHEEL PAST, WITH A BLUE DYNAVOX SERIES 5 STRAPPED TO HIS WHEEL CHAIR (for those of you who don’t know what a Dynavox is, these are the machines that can produce speech for people – I worked a lot with these machines at my school internship). Too cool! I love Seattle, and I’ve been here less than 2 hours! I’ve met an Australian family who is traveling to Vancouver to watch their son compete in the world Lacrosse Series.

I must admit that the reason I find myself already liking Seattle is that I am actually in Seattle, whereas I wasn’t able to spend that much time in San Francisco itself. So, I’m not sure that’s neither here nor there, but just a fact.

Anyway, time to begin making my way to my interview.

Too Bad I Don't Know Any Fun Phrases Mentioning Sacramento

2008-06-23T11:39:00.002-04:00

So, I'm at the airport leaving Sacramento. Ben and Crystal (by brother and sister-in-law) just dropped me off. While driving to the airport I was struck by the haze that was filling the central valley from the numerous wild fires in the surrounding area. Crystal said she even smelled smoke while walking Jo Dee (their miniature schnauzer).

The topography of the central valley is not as exciting as that of the San Francisco Bay, with one notable exception. While driving west on US-50 there is a hill that upon cresting one can view the entire California Central Valley. It's pretty cool.

Not far from that hill is a park with a peculiar name: Negro Bar. That's right, I typed it correctly. One must be careful not to place the definite article in front of the name because then it become completely, totally politically insensitive ('the' negro bar). Ben and Crystal mentioned that there is a battle to rename the park. However, some people want to maintain the historical name, while others want a more politically correct name. Ben mentioned that they may have come to a compromise on "The Historic Negro Bar." I say either way it's six of one half dozen of another.

Anyway. I had a great time in Folsom. We walked around downtown historic Folsom, ate at the Squeeze Inn (incredibly small cheese burger joint - has seating for 11), went bowling, and a host of other stuff. I watched Shawn of the Dean with them (first time seeing that movie - hilarious). Anyway. I think I should get ready to go to Seattle. I'm excited, but a little sad, because going to Seattle means that my Out West Extravaganza is more than half over. I still have four days - it's going to be great!

i just saw a jet take off. Kinda fun. It was small, black and very angular looking. Don't know that it's really that cool, but I thought I'd mention it.

Lost and Found Again

2008-06-21T21:20:00.001-04:00

So, I have decided that I don't like the public transportation system of San Francisco. For various reasons - the most frustrating of which - is that even when getting directions from their website you find yourself in a not so nice part of San Francisco. However - thanks to a call to my good friend Justin and finding some wireless internet all was well again ... until it was time to find bus stop that takes me to the Amtrak station. When in the not-so-nice part of town I saw this HUGE bus stop that said AMTRAK all over it. So, when at Union Square in down town I was looking for something along those lines. Nope. A regular bus stop with a startlingly small sigh that said amtrak. So, phone calls to Justin helped a lot, but still didn't get me there, so after walking around for a bit I found a "San Francisco Visitor's Center" and I thought to myself [angelic chorus and heavenly beam of light streaming down from the heavens "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh." I went in, asked the funny old man with a Eastern European accent where I was supposed to go. Not only did he show me where to go, but gave me alternate routes just in case I missed my bus. I could have hugged him.

So, I found my train, and the morale of the story is: rent a car.

Anyway, I have just boarded the train, so I lost my internet connection, so I will actually be sending this from Ben and Crystals - because theirs will be the next internet connection I have.

So, while I'm typing here I'll go ahead and give my review of San Francisco and the San Francisco Bay area.

My first observation is the topography. All I have to say is WOW! It is beautiful out here. The mountains covered in grass that has been scorched brown by the sun while dotted with green trees. Up further on the peninsula the brown grass is replaced with the glint of houses. The hills of San Francisco proper remind me of what I think the hills of the Mediterranean might look. Down further on the mainland the rocky coasts of Monterrey look , quite simply, picturesque. The train is taking us along the East Bay right now (right along the coast) and it is beautiful. Typical of the rest of southern California there are wild fires here. I have learned to distinguish between clouds and the smoke from fires. Initially I thought the smoke was clouds, but they were "too brown" (they looked white to me, but after a second glance I did notice how they were more brown than the clouds high in the sky. Right now there are fires across the East Bay.

My second observation is the vegetation. It's all totally different from Michigan. (Well, I guess not totally different, but vastly so). The palm trees and palmetto trees, the redwoods (not giant redwoods, just small ones - although I heard that the biggest redwood is in Palo Alto), and then there were a bunch of trees I don't know the name of. The occasional cacti (prickly pear, not giant cactus). Kinda fun seeing things other than Maple, Oak, White and Red Pine and Evergreen greens.

My third observation is the infrastructure. It is a mix of what I would consider Spanish Hacienda with Mediterranean Villa. This is true of the smaller buildings only. The larger buildings can only be described as "Urban Jungle-esque" But, this urban jungle has a lot more class than other urban jungles (i.e., Detroit, Indianapolis, Chicago, even Boston and New York). the buildings are not just giant box-like obelisks. There is color, glass, interesting shapes.
The golden gate bridge is fabulous. I wasn't able to see it up close, sadly, but I was able to see it while driving over the Bay Bridge.

Of these I have one regret: I did not take enough pictures. And, you know it is difficult to take pictures while lugging around all your luggage. Just makes life difficult. Anyway.

My fourth observation: the Urban Sprawl. It is necessary just because San Francisco is so expensive. Accordingly, the traffic during rush hour is gross, but bearable in a Toyota Scion with a sun roof open, windows down, and iPod blaring whatever I felt like playing.

I'm done observing things - I feel like a nerd

Anyway, I just realized that I had not blogged about the third (and final) interview I had in the bay area. The friend I was staying with (Joel) also happens to be a speech pathologist. And it just so happens that Joel's boss is looking to hire another speech pathologist. So, as soon as Joel's boss (Jen) heard that I was in town she wanted to talk to me. So - she called me to set up an interview (coincidently, Thursday morning). So I went into the interview and I really like the place they've got there. So much so, that I stayed all day. I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I have a small world story. So we all know about Ben and Crystal's friend Sergio who moved back to California a while ago. Sergio is dating a speech pathologist, Alex. And it just so happens that Alex is also employed at Bay Area Speech. So I was able to meet her and go out for lunch with Sergio and Joel and his girlfriend, Cindy. It was great fun. So, the interview went very well. It was so informal - Jen and I sat out on the clinic's patio drinking coffee and looking out at the mountainous hills surrounding Morgan Hill. It was simply beautiful. We talked about theories of intervention strategies and research experience, my personal experience with stuttering, hers with ADD. Honestly, I think I liked this place the most.

Anyway. That is a chronicle. and I'm done now.

Ahhhh

2008-06-20T16:52:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I'm walking around downtown San Francisco and having a blast. Right now I'm in a starbucks having just sucked down my double shot espresso on ice (I was desperate for something cold). Anyway, my train leaves in about an hour and a half so I should begin making my way there. Just keeping you updated.

Slight Change of Plans

2008-06-20T15:11:00.002-04:00

Ok - so I began making my way towards the Golden Gate Bridge and then decided that I would rather spend my time in downtown. So, I made my way to the San Francisco Public Library, and now I am resting / cooling off while providing another blog update (it dawns on me that for this type of shenanigans I should really be using Twitter, but who cares). Anyway - I'm in the SFPL, and it's nice and cool, with wireless internet. Smells like a library. In a minute I'm going to walk around city hall. It is going to be great. I only wish I wasn't lugging around all my luggage with me - good thing I packed light.

Alright, until next time.

Fun Stuff

2008-06-20T14:17:00.003-04:00

Guess who has two thumbs and is kind of lost in San Francisco? This Guy!!!

But - don't worry, thankfully, SF has lots of internet cafes so I can check bus schedules and stuff like that. Soon enough I'll be at the Golden Gate Bridge.

Out West Extravaganza - Recap

2008-06-19T10:22:00.002-04:00

Ok, so it's about 7:20 on Thursday morning. I figured I would recap what I have been doing thus far.

Firstly - the multiple train systems are interesting - confusing, but interesting.

Secondly - the weather - amazing. I love it. It may have reached a high of 85 (with no humidity - ahh, beautiful)

Thirdly - I have had two interviews (have a third scheduled in a little bit), make that three interviews and one job offer. Yes! A private practice, Peninsula Associates, offered me a position working at the Morgan Autism Center in San Jose, CA. (this is of course, with the condition that my references provide strong recommendations of me, but barring awful reviews, I have at least one job offer).

Fourthly - I don't really like being on Michigan time while staying in California. I get tired early and then I wake up early. The waking up early part doesn't bother me so much, but I feel bad when I start yawning and the people I'm hanging out with feel obligated to go home. Oh well.

Fifthly - the traffic is awful. But it's kinda fun. I'm a more aggressive driver than most Californians. (Granted I'm more aggressive than most Michigan drivers as well). But they don't speed like we do in Michigan. Interesting. They allow U-turns all over the place - kinda fun.

Sixthly - I have discovered the other side of of the uber liberal San Francisco Politics - uber conservative politics down on the peninsula. Interesting.

Finally - I'm finally going to head up to the city today. I get to walk around San Francisco and do that whole thing. So excited.

Anyway - that's a basic summary of my Out West Extravaganza. Now, I'm going to go get ready for my interview.

Out West Extravaganza Day 2

2008-06-18T15:35:00.002-04:00

So I'm in Panera (I know, I know - I flew all the way out here only to get something I can get at home ... but Panera was the first place I saw that was certain to have one think I desperately needed: wifi. Had I not needed to access the internet I would have been much more adventurous and gone somewhere in downtown San Jose. Anyway, I just got done visiting the Morgan Autism Center. This place was the one place in all of my travels in the San Francisco Bay area that wasn't easily accessible by public transportation. So my friend Joel allowed me to borrow his car - I really like his car. It makes me hate my car that much more. Anyway. I didn't even mind the stereotypic California traffic. I was cruising up "the 101" to a mix of Sheryl Crow and Hootie and the Blowfish ... very 1990s I know, it's just what I felt like listening too. There is just somehting picturesque about driving up a California expressway while listening to "Soak up the Sun".

Anyway, I liked the Morgan Autism Center; however, I wonder if I should start at a job that is this specialized. I'll bring that up in my actual interview - in about 90 minutes. So, I'm going to finish my sandwich and then to to Target to purchase the one thing I forgot to bring: deodorant.

Out West Extravaganza Day 1 ... continued

2008-06-18T01:32:00.002-04:00

So ... my interview went really well. It lasted two and a half hours. An hour with their rehab director and 90 minutes with 4 of their 15 (yes, fifteen) speech-pathologists. It was a LONG day. I'm glad it's over. After making my way to San Jose, my friend Joel, his friend Drew and I went out for cajun food. I had oysters. I wouldn't have these kind again.

Anyway - who has two thumbs and is exhausted - this guy.

Out West Extravaganza Day 1

2008-06-17T15:55:00.003-04:00

This is a chronicle of June 17, 2008

So I’m in Chicago’s Midway Airport – at 6:42 central standard time. My flight leaves at 8:50 … so I’m here with time to spare. However, I am a little annoyed because the airport has decided to taunt me with the promise of internet access – so excitedly I open up my computer only to find that they have chosen to go with a pay-for-use WIFI, which I respect and can appreciate. However, you get a WHOLE 24 HOURS OF SERVICE for the reasonable price of $6.95. Now, if I were spending all day in the airport I might think about purchasing that AMAZINGLY GOOD DEAL (especially considering how a month of home internet access costs approximately $30). Needless to say, I am actually not writing this online right now. Instead I have decided to write the prologue to my Out West Extravaganza in a word document to be transferred to my blog later tonight.

So, here I am sitting in the nice seats at gate A18, even though my gate is actually A9. Why should I sit in those hard plastic seats that are going to make my back ache and my butt sore when there is an excellent collection leather covered arm chairs down the concourse that will cradle my toush in comfort (and it happens to have an electrical outlet so I can charge my laptop to boot! So, I’m mooching off the pleasant patrons of AirTran.

Anyway, my adventure here was uneventful. I could have easily slept for another 30 minutes, but I suppose it was better to be safe than sorry. Had I slept that extra half hour, invariably, there would have been an accident on the freeway, or I would have gotten a flat tire or some unfortunate event would occur to delay my arrival to Michigan City, which would have resulted in me missing my train to Chicago, and then I would have been late for my flight and my whole trip would have been initiated in a rocky and unpleasant fashion. So, instead I’m slightly sleep deprived and have read up a bit in the book I am reading (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert). Oh, and I have decided that I love not checking baggage. I got off the ‘el’ (‘L’)? and walked right to security. It was beautiful. No waiting in line, just sitting on the train, walking to the concourse, maneuvering through security and now sitting again (at the wrong gate). I am going to be sick of sitting by the end of the day. I should go for a walk around the airport.

I am viewing this trip as the end of the massively extended period of time between adolescence and adulthood commonly dubbed ‘college’. My experience was longer than most due to the requirement that I have a Masters degree to practice. Nevertheless, it comes to a close. Today, I officially enter the “real world.” I have my first “real” interview, for a “real” job – versus to fake interviews I did at ASHA or interviews for internships. Those don’t count because, in the end, they didn’t really matter. I wasn’t going to accept any jobs offered me at ASHA, and I was guaranteed an internship so, it really didn’t matter where I was placed – the point was to gain experience. Here and now I will be examined by professionals with experience, sized up, figuratively poked and prodded in their attempt to see if I make the cut. To see if, when push comes to shove, they think I will be able to use this knowledge I have spend a great deal of time, effort and money obtaining. So – I’m at the cusp. I’m standing at the edge of the diving board staring down at the water, seemingly a mile below me. And I’ve got to jump. This moment (approaching in 6.5 hours) is what the past couple weeks have been about. I’m beginning to get excited. The irony of it all – is that this will, most likely, be posted after the fact. Anyway … I think I need a breakfast sandwich.

… later that morning …

The breakfast sandwich was good, expensive, but good. What are you to expect when purchasing food inside of an airport, similar to buying food in an amusement park. They have a monopoly on food (for those of us who didn’t bring food). Anyway, now I’m sitting nearer to my gate (gate 11). The seating at my gate is quite full, so I opted for the comfy chairs that are spaced further apart rather than the hard ones with little “wiggle room.” I’m going to be cramped for a while as it is, there’s no need to start now.

Anyway, I have had a fascination with flying since I was young. In high school (maybe even middle school) I anxiously awaited my first flying experience (which occurred my sophomore year of college). From that first take of from Dallas, TX I was addicted. My favorite part is take-off. Feeling the brute force of the airplane forcing your chair to grip you tightly as the collective makes its assent to cruising altitude. My plane has just arrived, I should probably stop typing, visit the restroom once more and then finally make my way to the appropriate gate. So, until next time (probably on the 4.5 hour flight to the San Francisco International Airport).

… again, later that morning …

So I’m currently flying over the Midwest proper (Illinois, Iowa etc … in my opinion, Michigan really isn’t part of the Midwest – it’s a Great Lakes State). And I think we just flew over the Mississippi River (placing us somewhere over Iowa). Anyway, I was able to see the flooding of the region first hand. Watching the gray lines that are roads disappear underneath brown expanses of unencumbered rivers is truly astonishing. Right now I’m looking out my window and the river we’re following winds and bends along and then suddenly, out of nowhere the river quadruples in width. Trees roads, expressways and occasionally cities drowned by a river overflowing its banks. Up at cruising altitude you loose all perspective pertaining to distance along the earth, but the river has had a too wide a girth for a long time.

So, for those of you who don’t know about one of the best things about my stutter let me explain. It is an instant “friend-o-meter.” Based on someone’s reaction to my stutter I can tell if they are a cool person or not. My flight attendant: not cool. She doesn’t overtly show distain or dislike (her job is to make me feel comfortable so I will fly again – she can’t make a face at my stutter) but over time a stutterer can become quite attune to picking up very slight adjustments in facial expression and body language that gives the biases of my conversation partner away. This is neither here nor there, just a fact of life saying that of flight attendant and I met somewhere else other than her place of employment I would not go out of my way to interact with her.

… later …

we’re somewhere over the plains – lots of farm land striped green and brown. And there is a ridge lined with, what I can only imagine being, wind turbines. Interesting. The patchwork land sprawls beneath me. Even this high up these fields look larger that those in Illinois. It reminds me of the plaid patchwork shorts that have recently become popular. Alternating horizontal and vertical stripes of two-toned plaid; kind of fun to examine. There are more wind turbines – I can actually see some of the blades turning they appear to be moving slowly. However, this is deceptive based on their relative miniscule size. If the blades are as large as I imagine they are the outer edge of each blade is moving very fast. The wind farm is absolutely huge, spanning many miles across a ridge. There are at least three rows of turbines, sometimes four. I wonder how much power is generated by that wind farm. There is free energy everywhere in the world – it is up to us to envision new ways to harness and store that energy and then we can be mostly independent of foreign oil and simultaneously saving the environment.

We’ve been in fight for a little over 2 hours now. The land has a lot more vertical contour that it did even 15 minutes ago. I find myself wondering what state we are currently flying over. But these are undoubtedly the Rocky Mountains. Snow caped peaks with valleys intermingling. It is a beautiful sight. My guess is that we are over Colorado. There is a river cutting a gorge through the earth, it’s cool to see. There are cirrus clouds between the mountain peaks and our plan they look like a painter’s brush stroke on an enormous canvas. I am now past what I assume to be the front range of the Rockies: I am now further west than I have ever been.

Anyway - now, here I am in a lovely little coffee shop (called the Rendez Vous Cafe) around the corner from the hospital I'm about to interview in, enjoying a delicious iced latte. I'll take a picture later, but right now I'm just settling down to get ready for my interview.

We'll blog on the rest of this day later.

For lack of a witty title

2008-06-06T14:23:00.002-04:00

So, I was going to blog about my week later, but I just had an experience and I had to blog about it right now. So, here I go.

I'm at Waterstreet (who's surprised? No one? Good.) Anyway, I was sitting outside enjoying the sunshine while studying for the praxis (that really awful test I have to take in 8 days), and this woman leans over and asks me what the current colloquial term for 'cool' was. (she didn't use those terms, but that's what she meant). She and I brainstormed and didn't come up with anything more appropriate than 'cool'. So cool could still be cool - who knows. Anyway, not the point. The point is, that we had a wonderful conversation following that. I asked her if she was an author - she said yes, she's currently writing a book about her life after she found and adopted a chicken - that's right the mostly flightless bird that most people eat for dinner on Sunday - she has one as a pet. Her (the chicken) name is Liberty, her name (the lady) is Lisa. So, Lisa and I got on this euphorically tangential conversation. Tangent after tangent. Eventually we found ourselves talking about my life and what I'm doing with it - speech pathology, moving away yadda yadda yadda.

Anyway, she also has had some experience with speech therapy as well (incidentally at the Unified Clinics). (she speaks with a harsh, breathy tone and I was going to ask her - but she beat me to the punch). She was recounting the time after her vocal folds were burnt in a fire. From what she said it was very traumatic, she almost died, thought her face was going to be riddled with scars etc. Anyway, once again not the point. She then recounted the time when walking into the clinic and overhearing a gentleman saying some nonsense phrase over and over again (recurrent utterance).

So here I am with this ethical dilemma - it is quite possible that I know / have interacted with this individual during my experiences in the aphasia group, and she brought him up and I can't say - "Oh yeah, that's Harry Potter (or whomever)" So instead I talked about what I "thought" he had (knowing full well, based on her repetition of the recurrent utterance, who she was referring to). This was, obviously, aphasia. She had thought he was presenting with symptoms characteristic of a right sided stroke (again she didn't say that but she did say inappropriate social skills, difficulty regulating appropriate emotions etc).

So, I got to explain to her that this gentleman is not displaying a difficulty with social aspects of communication or emotions, he is experiencing difficulty with language in and of itself. So, he is still there, but now he is trapped inside his head without a reliable way to express himself.

The tangents continued and we began talking about stuttering, and my experiences and what I hope to do with my professional life. And that was great fun. We had this deep philosophical discussion about the way we view the world and our perceptions of society and society's perceptions of people who are different.

Anyway, I'm not sure this blog turned out the way I was imagining it would. I can't already tell it's not mind blowing. I think I used a lot of speech path jargon - sorry. If you don't know what a word / phrase / whole paragraph means just leave a comment and I'll explain it in real-person language. In fact after looking back on it - I think the post it a lot like our conversation - sporadic.

Anyway the conversation ended when she looked at her watch and realized that we had been talking for an hour and she had to go help her aunt out. Fun times in the life of Bryan.

In other news, my housing for Seattle just fell through, so I have to find a new place to stay or else stay in a hostel. The hostel would be fun - I'm looking at one that is right across the street from Pike's Market - SO EXCITED about that. I wonder if the hostel has a kitchen - I'd love to get some fresh crab legs and fresh vegetables and gorge myself on deliciousness, we'll see. Other than that - there is not much exciting happening in my life. Two guys in scrubs just walked in - kind of odd - there's not a hospital near here, I don't think anyway. hmmm. I guess that's about as exciting as it gets around here - displaced medical personnel. Simply astounding. Ok - i'm going to stop typing now. I think the "Iced Coffee With a Bang" I just had (four or five shots of espresso in 6oz of coffee ... mmmm caffeine) has just caught up with me. I'm feeling ... jittery. Do I drink too much coffee? Blasphemy. No such thing as too much coffee. Ok, I'm really done now.

Interviewing: Commence

2008-06-04T11:29:00.002-04:00

So I bought my tickets for my "Out West Extravaganza" today - just now in fact. The cost of the ticket from Chicago to San Francisco jumped $50 from yesterday to today, but the ticket from Seattle to Chicago dropped $70 - imagine that. And I was able to save about $100 by flying out of Chicago rather than Detroit (even with the cost of gas to Michigan City, IN and the commuter rail into the city). Anyway - I have dates! I fly to San Francisco on June 17, then on the 20th (or so) I'll take the train to Sacramento, spend with weekend with my brother and sister-in-law, then on the 23rd fly to Seattle, and then fly back to Chicago on the 26th. It should be a grand adventure. A mad dash across the west coast. Can't wait.

In other blog worthy news, I was at O'Duffy's last night with Scott, and a couple interesting things happened. (1) I saw my old band director from high school (Mr. Jordan). That was odd. He's doing well, teaching in Portage (I think) and will finish his masters in organ performance this summer. and then (2) when Scott and I were bidding adieu, we saw this guy ride by on a bicycle that was literally 6 feet tall. The bike was taller than I am. And he was riding down the street - looking just a little bit ridiculous, if I say so myself. But what was absolutely hilarious was watching a guy on a regular sized bike ride past him. The mere mortal was dwarfed by the monstrosity riding along side him. That made my night. What made it even more queer was that the bicycle entered the street from my friend Theresa's driveway (or at least I think it was her drive) T - do you know anyone with a 6 feet tall bike?

Anyway, I should get back to studying for the praxis. 4736 'Cool Points' for anyone who can guess where I am!

ME: A look at my life subsequent to the completion of grad school

2008-06-03T11:43:00.002-04:00

All I have to say is: ahh. Life is good, no great, now that grad school is done. And what's more I have made great use of my time since being done with school. I was able to hang out with another guy who stutters. That was lots of fun. We were able to swap stories, frustrating moments, pet peeves, and we got to eat sushi. delicious. I LOVE sushi. Anyway, a lot more happened and I don't feel like blogging about right now, so on to the next thing. I was able to hang out with Justin this weekend. A fun time was had by all. Finally, I spent the day at Cedar Point yesterday. SO MUCH FUN! I loved Cedar Point. I got to go with a couple speech path friends (Meghan and Colleen) and then Colleen's friend Vunner. Lots of going fast, and twisting and turning, and up and down, and dodging vomit plastering the walkways, and waiting in line. lots and lots of fun. However, somethings have not changed - here I sit at waterstreet (SURPRISE!) and I'm simply elated because I'm done with my thesis.

Anyway, sorry for the lack of paragraph structure in this blog ... i'm feeling unorganized.

Speaking of unorganized I almost forgot the life-update that was the purpose for this blog. I've moved from working on my thesis to working on a couple things: (1) a giant, miserable, grotesque test I've got to take on June 14, (2) job hunting, and (3) figuring if/when I'm moving out of Kalamazoo. Lots of stuff to figure out. Lots of thinking to do.

And there was MUCH rejoicing

2008-05-29T19:18:00.002-04:00

Guess what ... you guessed it ... I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I've got to do is print the first page again - the computer lab doesn't have the font that I need. Then I have to hand it in and then I'm done. So, life is good.

In more good news, my thesis advisor and I were talking and he encouraged me to continue on in academia and pursue a PhD. He also said that it is rare to find a student with the skill / talent and temperament necessary to do well in a PhD program, and he and the rest of my committee think that I would thrive in a doctorate program. Crazy. So, I'm certainly glad that I am taking a break from school to work, but I will continue my thoughts of pursuing a PhD. wow. that's weird.

One thing I need to consider before pursuing this advanced degree is the manner in which I will manage my speech during lectures. I need to talk with other professors that stutter to see what they do / what has helped them etc.

Anyway. Other than that nothing much is new around here. I"M DONE!!!!

Cappuccino and Labradoodles

2008-05-23T14:35:00.002-04:00

So I'm dog sitting / house sitting this weekend. Hamish - my professors' labradoodle. He's a good dog. Likes to lick feet. He is, as my professors' daughter calls him, a 'special needs' dog. He has seizures. They aren't sure why, but he gets phenobarbital twice a day. I think he had just come out of a seizure when I got here today (around 10:45 am). His rug was wet (sometimes he looses bladder control), he was restless (pacing back and forth - he does that afterwards), and he was leery of going down the stairs (also, he does that afterwards too). So, we sat on the floor, I petted him and read a book and he chewed on a chew toy. 30 minutes later he was just fine.

My professor's husband (ok, for clarification, she is my professor, he is a professor in the department, but has never been my professor), anyway back to my story. He likes to have espresso in the morning. I can completely understand that. I would have espresso to if I (a) had the proper equipment to make it (b) got up in the morning in time to make it. So, seems how it was here, and I was feeling like an afternoon pick-me-up, I made myself a cappuccino. (for those of you who don't know, cappuccino is espresso with steamed milk) except I just realized that I didn't steam the milk, I only whipped it. Eh, so I had mild temperature espresso, versus steaming hot espresso - next time.

ANYWAY, sorry about the tangential conversation. The cappuccino, it was (is) delicious. It could be a little warmer (refer back to the fact that I didn't steam the milk). On a second note, I have officially drank milk (well, not just plain milk) but nevertheless, cow's milk in something. That is the first time I've had milk in ... I don't remember how long. (for those of you who don't know, I don't particularly care for milk; thus, I never buy it and rarely ever drink it ... but I do by soy / rice milk - it's actually quite good you should try it. I've got rice milk now, especially good with Cheerios).

In other news, I have submitted my thesis, in it's entirety, to my thesis committee. Effectively, I am DONE writing. DONE?!? Yes, after my defense next Wednesday and then made the forthcoming edits from my committee, and then get all the paperwork and other "requirements" done, I will have finished all the requirements for my masters degree. It is an exciting time to be Bryan.

Without further adieu, I think I'm going to go reward myself with reading a chapter in my book. I will talk to you later.

This, That and the Other

2008-05-20T11:18:00.002-04:00

So ... I have some news. I have turned in a rough draft of my thesis to my advisor. 39 pages of text, 11 figures, 1 table, for a grand total of 51 pages. This is not including all the paperwork that must go in with it, so I'm nearly done! SO close.

In employment news, I have decided that I hate contract companies. They lure you in with the promise of lots of support, competitive pay, a great track record ... and then you still have to jump through all sorts of hoops in order to get them to begin looking for a job. They apply pressure (what about early intervention, have you ever thought about early intervention ...NO, I said I wanted a pediatric medical placement. If you can't find me that job then just tell me so and don't string me along, yes I realize that it will be difficult for a first year grad to find that type of job, but I am willing to wait for a great job than just taking the first okay job that comes along. I don't want to do what everyone else is doing just because it's easy. I know the 'best' place to work as a first year is in the schools ... but what they don't seem to understand is that I don't want to work in schools). Also, they have poor communication within themselves - on multiple occasions I have been contacted by two people from the same staffing company. I mean seriously. Get your act together. GAAAAAAAA. I want a job simply so I can say to these people - sorry I already found a job. rant rant rant grumble grumble grumble. I suppose I should not complain about having to turn down jobs. I am lucky to have the opportunity to do so (especially in this economy). So, considering all of this, I am excited for a job I found by myself - a private practice in Seattle ... some barriers exist, though. 1) the job is part time, and will increase to full time if warranted (I asked when she would know and she has not replied yet) 2) whether the job and I are a match. I think it will be, but we'll see. 3) whether they pay enough to support living in Seattle.

Working through life ... my, how much fun it is.

Something's Brewing

2008-05-13T15:58:00.003-04:00

Incidentally Something's Brewing is the name of a coffeeshop here in Kalamazoo ... I'm not there. right now I'm at Waterstreet (OOH! something new and different for me). Anyway, so in my week of hard-core job searching I now have a private practice in Seattle and a hospital in San Francisco that want to interview me. So I'm hoping to get one more interview in each city and then make a mad dash of the northwest coast sometime in early June. Here is the plan: fly out to San Fran (stay with my friend Joel ... hopefully), interview, take a train to Sacremento see Ben and Crystal, then fly to Seattle (stay with friends of friends ... hopefully), interview, fly back home, and then get job offers in both places and pick the one that pays the most. I don't know that it will work that smoothly. I agreed to play at a wedding on June 14 - and that is really cramping my style, because ideally I'd like to push my 'mad-dash-of-the-west-coast' back a week, but then I'd be gone over that wedding weekend. grrrrr.

Anyway, enough break ... "Back to the thesis grindstone, slave," the evil task master screams, his face purple from the surge of angry blood into his capillaries.

My Union Debut

2008-05-10T16:09:00.002-04:00

So I'm at Waterstreet (surprise!) working on my thesis (surprise!). Well, I guess I'm literally taking a break from working on my thesis. While on my thesis break I figured I would blog about my night last night. It was a good night. Some friends from church and I went out to the Union (for those of you are not from Kalamazoo, the Union is a semi-fancy restaurant that occasionally has live music from WMU students and other area musicians). Anyway, last night Cliff was performing. Cliff lives over on the east side of the state and regularly performs in restaurants and bars. One of his trademarks is to get people up onstage singing. So, fun fact - approximately 6 people got up on stage with him - and 3 of them were from my table (perhaps that's because 84.3% of were are on the worship band team).

Anyway, Cliff asks for a guy (no, a 'stud') to go on stage. My friends Jessica and Rachel point to me and tell Cliff to make me do it. Instead he calls Jessica on stage to sing a song (I should tell you that Jessica and Rachel both know Cliff). Jessica sings beautifully. Cliff does some other stuff and then again asks for a 'stud'. Again, Jessica and Rachel point to me. This time I cave in and go up onstage. I sing Blackbird by the Beatles. It was great. But weird - the monitor system was so bizarre that at first I didn't recognize my voice as my voice. It was weird. I thought that person is singing the same thing I am but that's not me ... oh, wait, it is. So yeah. Then to be fair Rachel got up and sang a song.

After the set Cliff came over to our table and thanked us for participating, and told me that he was surprised and impressed by my voice ... it looks like, even though I'm not singing as much, I still haven't lost it. It was fun ... my Union Debut.

That's about it. Nothing else much. Oh, I have an unofficial thesis defense date: May 28th. As long as the 3rd member of my committee is available then it will be on the 28th. Scary. But that means that once the thesis is done we can go back through and fix the mistakes and then get it ready to submit to publication. I'm going to be a published author (assuming it gets accepted).

Anyway ... back to the grind

Canada Goose Aggression

2008-05-08T12:19:00.003-04:00

So, while walking into the building today and yesterday mornings I have seen spectacular displays of goose aggression. On both days I have seen two large geese chase away a smaller goose. Trumpeting their cries, craning their necks in anger, spreading their wings and beating at the air to display their power. Geese are weird creatures. Of course, when I was watching this large goose run towards me (before realizing he was attacking his rival) one thought ran through my head: he could break my legs with those wings ... where is the best place to run to and what can I throw at it. So, I guess that is really three thoughts. This morning was less eventful - there were no air-beating-wing-displays, just honking, chasing and pecking each other, with the victor returning to the gaggle triumphantly. It must be mating season. I thought it would be a bit late for mating, and they aren't near any water. hmm. I may never know.

In other, non-zoological news, I don't think the job in San Francisco is going to pan out. I've been emailing the director this week, and if I understood correctly, they have offered the position to another person, and she is just figuring out if she can accept. Honestly, I'm not that disappointed. It would have been a great job, but I'm not certain it was the perfect job for me. Also, I have two new prospects. A fairly large private practice in Seattle, and St. Lukes Hospital in San Mateo, CA (San Francisco Bay area). I have not heard back from either yet (it's only been three days) ... well, I have not finished the application for St. Lukes yet. It's an incredibly monotonous application process - very similar to the application process for grad school. There is also a hospital outside Boston that I am interested in ... but they do not want a fresh grad. grrr. And seeing as though it is 30 minutes outside of Boston and not IN Boston, I am less inclined to take it.

Other than a purposefully slow going job search, not much is happening here. I'm working on my thesis full time ... well, when I'm not blogging about my life. I bought some new shoes yesterday ... $7. I was pleased. They are a blue/green/tan plaid slip on shoe. I think my feet are shrinking. These are a 9 1/2 and they are big. Maybe these shoes just run big, but I want to cause a fuss and say that the sky is falling and that my feet are shrinking. What else is going on in life ... I'll be watching my professor's dog over Memorial Day. That makes three professors I have animal sat for. Interesting facts (or not-so-interesting facts).

Ok, back to the grind ..............

and the job search begins

2008-04-29T19:21:00.002-04:00

Just to keep everyone informed, I have a phone interview with a private practice out in San Francisco in about 9 minutes, so this is going to be brief.

Anyway, I 'graduated' last Saturday. I'm not officially finished, but I working on it. I just sent off the rough draft of my results section to my advisor today, so I'll get his edits back in the late morning and then keep on trucking through.

In other news, there's not that much happening here in Kalamazoo. Most of my friends have gone home, or to their new lives as speech-language pathologists. I'm still doing the school thing. Well, the thesis thing - it's a little different.

So, I will let you all know how my interview goes (t minus 6 minutes and counting). I've already outlined answers to questions I think she'll ask (one of the beauties of phone interviews - the interviewer cannot see you - I could interview in my underwear - I'm not going to, don't worry). So, you know. Anyway, I'm going to go get a glass of water and prepare to sell myself.

Another Day

2008-04-13T22:42:00.003-04:00

I wrote this at Waterstreet when the internet was down - so it's copied and pasted in from word.

so, I’m at waterstreet, on this rainy Saturday. I’m listening to a conversation by a literal knitting circle (5 women sitting around in a near circle form, knitting and talking – oh, I suppose one of them is crocheting). Anyway, they were discussing a movie called, Idiocracy. From their conversation I gathered that the basic premise of the film is that due to the phenomena that more intelligent people have fewer children than “less” intelligent people eventually the world will be filled with morons … essentially the evolution of intelligence to a less intelligent average than today. Interesting. And I don’t demean them for having the conversation, and the film (I’m guessing) is satirical, however, it ignores the fact that there are multiple intelligences. There is a book smart, street smart, outdoors-y smart, political smart, horticultural-y smart, animal smart – this list could go on and on. I consider myself book smart – I’ve got a college degree, I’m fairly well read, I’ve traveled a little bit. So, for the purposes of this argument let’s say that I’m one of the intelligent ones that doesn’t have enough kids and so mankind becomes dumb because I didn’t have lots of kids. Well, I hate to burst their bubble, but I cannot survive today without the “unintelligent masses” right now. They have an intelligence that goes behind the scenes. They would be more equipped to survive without me than I without them – I could not work a press to make the car that I drive everyday, I could not operate the assembly line that gets my food to me. Heck, I couldn’t even drive the truck to get the gas to the gas station so I could put gas in my car. I can read books and help people become better communicators and swallow better. Not incredibly amazing, or useful without the under pinnings of culture that we often take for granted.

anyway, enough philosophy.

I’ve been thinking more about jobs. At first, I really liked the idea of being a traveling speech pathologist. However, I would be starting a new job every three months. And that would be difficult. I would be in a constant state of catch-up and readjust. And the recruiters for the traveling speech pathologist positions have not been real forthcoming with information. So, it’s not looking good. On top of that there are not a lot of medical positions available for a CF (clinical fellow – I need supervision for 9 months before I am a certified speech-language pathologist). It is directly because of that supervision that medical positions are hard to come by for a CF. Medical sites do not have the man power to supervise a CF. (with that in mind, the schools really don’t have it either, but we have to begin working somewhere). Anyway, back to the point: there is a private school in Hillsborough, California specifically for children with severe physical and communication impairments. Most of these kids use high-tech communication devices (basically a computer that talks for them). I think I might begin looking into gaining employment there. It’s in the San Francisco area, so the cost of living is astronomical, and my pending employment there would be dependent upon substantial financial compensation. We’ll see what happens.

Other than that there is not much exciting happening here.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2008-03-31T23:46:00.003-04:00

That basically sums up how I feel: AHHHHHHHHHHH! My graduation is in 26 days (wow), and I'M NOT READY FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have an online class where ump-teen posting are required each week, I have a giant test to take, I have to go to my internship everyday, and on top of all of that I have a thesis to finish. To make a long story short I'm emotionally ready to start crossing things off of my to-do list, yet I am not ready to do any of it. Granted, I should not be worrying about the job or the giant test. I'm taking the test in June, and the job search can hold off until after graduation (I was calling April 1 my day to begin my job search ... I have a feeling that April 1 [which will begin in 11 minutes] will come and go without me looking for jobs.) I was talking to my friend Meghan to day, and she gave me permission to freak out a little bit and then not worry about the test or the job search. Yet - I'm still thinking about them (obviously, or I would not be blogging about them).

Anyway, in other news I just submitted a proposal to present my thesis at the national speech pathology convention in November. My proposal was not great, so I don't have high hopes, but you never know. But, if it does get accepted I'll be in Chicago in the middle of November ... I think the weekend before Thanksgiving. So, that could be quite fortuitous timing. Anyway, that's all I really wanted to say. I was going to call someone, but then realized that everyone who would care (or pretend to care) was already asleep, like I should be.

So, that's what I'm going to do: go to sleep.

Goal: Accomplished

2008-03-26T23:28:00.003-04:00

So, I have reached a new level in my seasoned career of negative 30 days, a thesis, a giant test and a 9 month internship from being a certified speech-language pathologist: for the first time a patient has requested not to receive therapy from me because of my stutter. One might say that this is an odd thing to call a goal to be accomplished. Yet, I a logical and rational human being, realized there was a ticking bomb related to this. Ultimately, I knew, one day I would have a patient request not to work with me because I have a more difficult time speaking in a fluid stream of words than the rest of you "neuro-typicals" (I got that phrase from my friend Peter - awesome). Honestly, I was quite pleased with the manner in which the situation was handled. I was never offended and was not made to feel incompetent. My supervisor reassured me that I am doing good work and none of our other patients had taken issue with it. I assume the family spoke with my supervisor after hours. My supervisor then came and spoke to me (this was last week, mind you) and she said that I have three options: 1) the other slp could treat the patient, 2) my supervisor could treat the patient and I could observe or 3) I could treat the patient if I were certain that I could use the therapy techniques and "control" my stuttering.

Anyway, all of this made the come to this realization: while I have dealt with my stuttering - the emotions (anxiety, fear) that accompany the social pressure to "talk good" that easily overwhelms even fluent speakers (let alone stutterers). And while I have dealt with the physical aspects (not to say that I don't stutter, but that I have eliminated (most of) the secondary behaviors that accompany it, and for for the most part, my stutter does not interrupt or dictate my life). I have given stuttering therapy, provided counseling (advice) for other stutterers. Even through all of that there is still a little bit of me that considers my stuttering to be synonymous with an unsightly mole or character flaw that my friends/family must over look. That somehow they (you) are doing me a favor by liking me. Now, intellectually, I know this to be erroneous. But "knowing" something and "believing" something are entirely different animals. I think that I will carry the scar of "my unsightly stutter" forever. I think that I will always beat back the feelings of insecurity that can accompany an awkward situation or a failed attempt at speaking fluently. Nevertheless, life goes on, and I "know" that I will be a better speech-language pathologist because of my own struggle with communicating myself. Eh, such is life - right?!?!?!?!?!?!

one midnight gone (well, a little more than one)

2008-03-12T17:39:00.003-04:00

props to anyone who caught the Into the Woods reference.

Anyway, I got out of my internship a little early today (4:30), so I decided to pop into a coffee shop in downtown Battle Creek to do some homework, and what not. So, here I am at Brownstone Coffee at 18.5 Michigan Ave in battle creek. I was pleasantly surprised when I walked into the shop. Initially, I did not expect to be impressed. It's in Battle Creek, which doesn't bode well (Battle Creek, in general, just doesn't appeal to me). Anyway. I walked into the dimly lit, narrow, but exceedingly long shop, heard the soft blues/jazz music playing overhead and ordered my Americano from the barista, who was quite warm and friendly. I found my way to one of the tables lining the left side of the shop, each individually lit by a light, alternating between mini torch lamps and "lawyer-style" desk lamps. Across from me there are three circular glass tables with chairs that match the table support. the chair backs all have steaming cups of coffee etched out of them. - it adds a nice little bit. Anyway, on the right wall there is a series of three murals, one of a Hindu god (with 8 arms - can't remember the name), another of a guy with a yellow trench coat (reminding me of Dick Tracey) hanging out of a train to grab a cappuccino from a cappuccino machine, and the third of a finely painted coffee cup with a barista floating out of the steam rising from the cup. and then there are pictures and paintings for sale hung all throughout the the shop. my favorite part, however, is the ceiling. it consists of finely detailed tin ceiling tiles, painted a creme color, the duct work is exposed, track lighting at 45 degree angles to the walls, and then, above the coffee bar is an A-frame skylight. So, in a word the coffee shop has character. and the coffee wasn't bad either.

anyway, the internship is going well. I'm learning lots. there is quite a steep learning curve - I'm doing virtually all cognitive therapy (stuff I haven't done). my patients are, for the most part, good to work with. We did an evaluation of one guy yesterday - he was motivated and congenial. Today, that was not the same story. He was agitated and uncooperative. and refused services. we returned later in the day, no change. we found out that he was upset about the status of his pills (crushed in applesauce) and was attributing that change to us. but we never saw him for swallowing eval, so we didn't order that. Anyway - that's the life of an SLP when you work with brain injury - ups and downs, and - WOW, where did that come from.

Anyway, the coffee shop is about to close (that's a downer - they close early, then again it's in BC, and they probably don't have the customer base to stay open past 6). Anyway, I will write later.

She had your dark suit in greasy wash water all year.

2008-02-14T11:38:00.002-05:00

I have heard that sentence approximately 500 times in the last day .... yay for data analysis.

This picture describes how I feel: coffee is my life blood

Stop the Winter I want to get Warm

2008-02-10T20:02:00.000-05:00

So, this post is three drafts and coming - hopefully the fourth time is the charm - but I only have 12 minutes, so I"m not holding out hope

Ok - highlights:

- feeling very much like an advocate - I have recommendations for online videos about stuttering and a movie about stuttering that were all great - if you want to watch them just let me know.

- began analyzing data for my thesis (finally). But it's not perfect - there are still some glitches in the computer code my advisor wrote.

- I'm beginning my internship next Monday (2/18) very excited about that. Should call my supervisor tomorrow and let her know my plans

- Class is going well - I really like the online forum thingy - sometimes it's a little annoying (making a certain amount of posts regardless of how much information you stuffed into the first one/two)

- it's uber windy, snowy and cold here - so much so that they cancelled church this morning. Which (I must admit) was a pleasant surprise, seeing as though I was supposed to be there at 8 to get ready with the band - I got an extra 3 hours (that's right THREE) of sleep instead.

I just realized that my next statement is a rather philosophical one, and is, thus, deserving of more than the remaining 6 minutes I have until I need to go. - So I shall save my mental musings for another day.

A Free Day

2008-01-23T12:36:00.000-05:00

So, it's 12:36, and it is going to be a GREAT day! I thought I had to do hearing screenings from 8-5, I got here at 8 only to find that I didn't have to be here until 9 ... and then I was done at 12. Now, I just got the okay on my thesis chapters from Dr. Tasko (my advisor) so all I had to do was fix my figures (which I just finised) and then I'm done with my thesis until my commitee meeting!

I have nothing more to do today (besides homework for my online class)!! I have a free day - I'm going out for lunch!

Just thought I'd share that with you.

Famous People

2008-01-20T23:43:00.000-05:00

So, I met my first 'celebrity' of sorts yesterday.

Bronson Hospital has posted some rather large billboards around Kalamazoo. On those billboards it the profile of the top 3/4 of a man's head. There is text beside his head that reads "The brains behind the brain" or something to that effect. Anyway, so they're boasting about their top-notch neurologists on staff.

Well, last night I was hanging out with Meghan (one of my speech-path friends), her old supervisor (Wendy) and a couple of Wendy's colleagues and friends. Among them: Jeff, the neurologist on the billboards. At first I didn't recognize him (seeing that until that point I'd never seen his whole head, or even his face), but after someone mentioned him being the "brains behind the brain" it clicked.

So, nothing big - just keeping you updated in the aspects of my, ultimately, boring life.

In other news, I have spent the whole weekend working on my thesis (I'm actually typing this at school, Sunday night at 11:51pm, after just sending my advisor my last round of edits). In addition to headings and titles and other such nonsense, I now have figures. Four of them to be exact. They are all visual representations of respiratory, phonatory and/or articulatory movements during speech. But they're done!

I had a bit of a conundrum in getting them to look right. I was using a software called MatLab - it's like a giant calculator and graph generator and a whole bunch of other stuff I forget right now. Anyway, I was building the figures in MatLab, and it does not support subscripts (apparently neither does blogger, I tried to give you an example, but to no avail). Anyway, subscripts are like footnote numbers except at the bottom of the word.

So, using my problem solving skills, I realized that I could paste the figure itself (without text) into powerpoint and then add the text (subscripts and all) in powerpoint. It worked like a charm. Well, almost. In order to get the figures into the word doc. I had to save them as pictures. I saved them as an enhanced media file (.emf).

I had done all of this work on the speech lab's computer, because MatLab isn't mac compatible (I don't think anyway). So, I emailed the thesis to myself, got home opened it up and the figures didn't load. (Needless to say, I was frustrated). So, I came back to the lab to redo the figures (and save them as something else - this time .jpg). I did that, and fixed some other stuff on them (the tops of some of the numbers got cut off, and that suddenly really bothered me, so I fixed them). And now I'm here.

Now that it is 12:04 (and officially Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day) I'm going to brave the bitter cold and go home and go to sleep. Only to wake up, do some work for my online class and I'm going to work on my thesis (ooh, something new and different for me ... hopefully you can sense the sarcasm dripping off of that last phrase).

Ballets and other such nonsense

2008-01-16T16:13:00.000-05:00

So, I went to my first live ballet performance. I went with three of my speech-path friends to see the St. Petersburg Ballet Company perform Swan Lake. It was nice and all, and I would go see it again, but I think they put too much emphasis on the court scenes. In case you aren't familiar with Swan Lake, there are 3 acts and 4 scenes. Act 1, Scene 1 presents the audience with a lively array of dancing: the prince is coming of age and it is time for him to find a wife, but he doesn't like any of the women. So there's a lot of fal-da-ral and fiddle-y-dee (did you like my reference to Roger and Hammerstien's Cinderella?), and ho-hum dancing. Then, in Act 1 Scene 2, the prince goes out hunt with the arbalest his mother conveniently gave him in Scene 1. Now, Act 1, scene 2 - this is where most of the stereotypic ballet representations of Swan Lake come from - you know the "Little Swans" where there are three women with arms linked in connected circles, dancing on their tip-toes. Well, scene 1 was considerably longer than scene 2 (but scene 2 was considerably better than scene 1).

Then Act 2, Scene 3 (I don't know why they even label the scene - there is only one scene in the act). We're back at the court - more dancing stuff. Meanwhile, I'm thinking - bring back the swans, at least they had good choice in costumes (the courts costumes were rancid).

Act 3, Scene 4. Back to the swans. I was excited - I like the swan scenes more than the court scenes. Well, my elation was to be short lived. The scene was entirely too short, and the final fight scene between the prince and the evil magician, Robart, bland and short. I realize that it's ballet, and they can't do massive amounts of stage combat, but I had hoped that the fight scene would be more than the prince leaping past Robart. But, what made the fight scene even worse was Robart's grandiose, long drawn out death scene. He took twice as long to die as it took the prince (Sigfreid - I just remembered his name) to kill him.

Apparently, some of my forays into high culture have left something to be desired.

In other news, I will be submitting the introduction, literature review and methods sections of my thesis to me comity next week. (hugh sigh of relief). It's not finished, but I have been working incessantly on it, and I'm glad to have some measure of accomplishment. If anyone wants and incredibly boring read I can send it to you. It's all about chest wall adjustments prior to speech initiation, and tongue blade speed movements, and spectrograms and acoustic signals. At another time I might enjoy reading it, but right now I'm sick of it. Deciding what measures to take was an incredibly arduous process. We're looking at the coordination of speech, and so to get a closer look at the coordination of speech we have to take measures from the articulatory system and the respiratory system, and would it be better to measure from the onset of tongue blade movement into constriction until the onset of /sh/ or would it better to measure to the first sign of air release. Just stuff like that. I've got some minor edits to do tonight, and then we're having another meeting, and then I get to take a break for a bit - I might celebrate by reading fiction! Or, maybe I'll watch a movie.

Anyway, not much else is new here. 100 days left until graduation. I've begun a countdown on my facebook page. Oh, graduation, how I can't wait until you are here. I might begin a countdown on my computer too - one can never have too many countdowns when graduation is involved. I remember that back in high school my friends and I started a countdown the very first day of school. My friend, Frank, had a magnetic dry erase board in his locker, and so we would draw a new picture featuring the new number of school days left. It was great fun. The drawings become more ornate as the remaining number of days grew smaller.

I begin my internship, at Southwest Michigan Rehabilitation Center, in February, so I'll let you know how that goes.

The Beginning of Ends

2008-01-06T23:35:00.000-05:00

So, I sit at the end of my last semester break before my last semester of grad school. It's really the beginning of the end for me. And this is a good thing.

To sum up my last break I did a lot of reading fiction (a total of 4.5 books), I worked on my thesis, competing the bulk of the methods section. I drank a lot of coffee, slept in more than I have since beginning grad school, and did a whole lot of nothing important (aside from my thesis, that is). All in all it was a good break.

And now I'm about to embark on the last journey - hooray!!!!!

Anyway, I didn't begin this with the intention of reminiscing on how this is the beginning of ends - "ahh, it's the end of grad school" [identity crisis to ensue shortly].

I actually wanted to write about the latest book I read, "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. I really liked the first 4/5. The ending was just CRAPPY! I had heard such good things about it, and was just annoyed by how it ended. I won't spoil it for you, but anyway, just know that I wasn't impressed.

Anyway, in an effort to get to class on time, I'm signing off.

My New Hair

2007-12-18T13:10:00.001-05:00

So, my new hair has been getting a great host of reactions. Honestly, I've loved the attention. The reactions have ranged from "it's terrible" to "you look like Sting" to "just add some red and you'll be all ready for Christmas" to "Bryan, what did you do?!?"

Virtually all of the blue has washed out, so now I have blond hair with a little bit of green tint to the fo-hawk. My original hair color has begun to grow, adding some depth to the blond. Soon enough my hair will look like I frosted it - like how having frosted hair was really really cool in high school. You know, all be guys bleached their hair a month before spring break so they could get a hair cut just before and then go down to Florida and cruise the beaches with "frosted" or "tipped" hair. I never went anywhere for spring break, so I never dyed my hair.

In other news, school is done for the semester. So, during the break I am reading fiction and working on my thesis. So far I have read "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khalid Husseini - great book. I highly suggest it. And I have begun a new science fiction/fantasy series - A song of Ice and Fire. I'm 3/4 of the way through book 1 - A Game of Thrones. And I've written a little bit more than a page on the methods of my thesis. I'm in a break from that right now. I just can't think that hard for that long. Besides, I've got a meeting with Dr. Tasko in 40 minutes.

Anyway, I should begin the process of getting ready to go to school.

The Long Awaited ...

2007-12-04T18:43:00.001-05:00

So, it's been a while. Since last blogging I, rode the train to Chicago, "slept" in an airport (by sleep I mean walk around the terminal for 5 hours waiting for check in to begin), flew to Denver, flew back, got stuck in Chicago (missed my train), went to classes, oh and had 19 calls about possible jobs in 48 hours - 19 (not including the one phone interview I had)!

So. This is the last week of classes in this fall semester. Which means that I now have to attend six more class periods (excluding finals) in my entire masters degree! I am virtually done taking classes. (That, my friends, is what they call a good feeling). One week from tomorrow only an (online) class, internship, and thesis will stand in the way of my name becoming Bryan T. Brown, MA, CF-SLP.

In my spare time (so about 15 -30 minutes a day) I am researching different metropolitan areas around the country in search of the place I want to live. The world is open to me (well the country is easiest, although I really want to live and work in New Zealand). So, on my monster.com account I have selected several metropolitan areas as my favorite. Among them (an in no particular order): Seattle, WA; Portland, OR; Chicago, IL; Boston, MA; Washington, DC; Philadelphia, PA; San Francisco, CA. You'll notice that all of them are large cities with public transportation systems. What's more, is that all of them have been included in the top 25 of the country's most "walkable" cities. More to the point: I am sick of driving. I want to walk and use public transportation to get around. But, this is based on me finding a position in one of those cities. Here, I am faced with a conundrum. Hospitals and clinics in large cities are quite reputable, and therefore, can afford to have expectations of experience. I, as a new grad, have little experience. Roughly, this means that it is unlikely I would find a job in a reputable hospital or rehab clinic within a large city. Ah, but hope is not entirely lost. There are HUGE staffing companies that have contracts with smaller rehab clinics and schools in large cities. The only draw back is that I would not necessarily have the direct supervision I would like (as a clinical fellow, and not a full fledged speech-language pathologist). So, I have some thinking to do.

On that note, the phone interview I had was with a smaller (but still large) staffing company for a rehab center in Tacoma, WA. The building sounds quite interesting. It is specifically for patients who have been trachotomized and some of which are on ventilators and patients who have sustained severe neurological insults from motor vehicle accidents, strokes and other traumatic brain injuries. It is technically a long-term care facility (boo) but the patients do not stay long - the recover quickly (yay). I would work with occupational and physical therapists (yay) but I would be the only SLP (boo). I would get to design a whole new augmentative and alternative communication system (yay) but, I have to design a whole new augmentative and alternative communication system (boo). My supervisor would be there about three days a week (yay/boo). It is near Seattle (yay), but it is in Tacoma (boo). I would have public transportation access to Seattle (yay) but Tacoma does not have a reliable public transportation system - or so my research has revealed (boo). So all in all, I like the job, but I'm not sure about the area. I said no to a job in Texas because of the area, so wouldn't it make sense I do the same for this - I think I might fly out there and interview, see the area and then make a decision.

Anyway, I still have some homework to finish, and thesis methods to work on (I'm on the methods section - a new section - something new and different! Here is where I realize how big it is going to be, yesterday I realized that I might be biting off more than I can chew, so, I've come up with a solution. Work work work until the end of February/beginning of March. Whatever I have finished then, tie that off for the thesis, but continue working on analyzing the remainder of the data, and then once I have the whole problem analyzed submit it to a journal for publication. I think it's a good plan, we'll see what Dr. Tasko says tomorrow).

So, for now I bid you adieu. Good night and good luck.

The Convention

2007-11-19T00:25:00.000-05:00

So, for those of you who know (or care), I was in Boston at the annual American Speech-Language Hearing Association (ASHA) National convention. The convention entailed entirely too much 'stuff' to write about in a blog, so I will give you the highlights.

We (Megan, Meghan, Nicole, Colleen, Sally and I) stayed in a hostel in Boston. We were all (not Sally for some unknown reason) in a co-ed room with 14 beds in it. I don't think that at any one point all the beds were filled, but there was a constant influx of people. Anyway, the majority of the people in our room were all speech pathologists or audiologists going to the convention. There were two girls (I don't remember their names ... another Megan I think and someone else) and three other guys (Mario, George, and Patrick). To make a long story short - we did a lot of stuff together.

About the convention: at any time people had three options to choose from they could attend sessions (lectures by experts), visit the exhibition hall (a giant room [literally the size of a football field] filled with companies that sell therapy products, and companies looking for employees, or the attendees could browse posters (individual oral presentations of an individual's research).

So, George was from Greece, and was here presenting a poster on augmentative and alternative communication in the case of a Greek man with a traumatic brain injury (by no means a ground breaking presentation, however, speech pathology is very new in Greece, so it is new research in Greece). Mario presented a poster, however, I don't remember what it was on, quite possibly something to do with voice rehabilitation after a laryngectomy (surgical removal of larynx secondary to laryngeal cancer).

Anyway, mostly, I perused the posters. I found that quite enlightening - especially that in the not too distant future I will be doing my own poster presentations. So, not surprisingly I spent a lot of time around the posters pertaining to stuttering. This is how a poster session works - you either have a specific poster you want to see, or walk around looking for interesting posters, when you find the one you're looking for you read the poster and ask the author to walk you through the research. They give their 1 minute prepared schpeel, and then you ask questions. So, once again making a long story short, I read a lot of research, some of which I thought was really really cool, other that I wondered why the authors wasted their time (poorly designed methods etc). But even better then that, I met a great deal of other people who stutter. Up until this past weekend I knew very few people who stutter (clients not included). But, I met students doing posters, people browsing posters, and even professors and researchers doing posters who all stutter too. The range of severity was incredible. There are two that come to mind (the two extremes) a woman who said she stuttered, but I never heard her stutter, and a young man (about my age) who had a lot of prolongations and repetitions. He was using a lot of block modification (a therapy technique).

I think that the most encouraging thing was engaging in conversation about stuttering, stuttering research, stuttering therapy and all the secondary characteristics that go along with it. (I learned that I have a little be it tremor in my left cheek when I stutter - a woman from England told me that...I didn't know that before). Anyway, enough on that - just know that I am that much more sure that going on to get my Ph.D. is the right course of action for me.

I also interviewed. I went into the convention with the mindset that I would not find a job (rest assured, I have not signed any papers). I also spoke with professors at some of the schools I am considering for Ph.D. work.

I volunteered by giving directions, and standing in an information booth all day on Friday (to cover the cost of my registration) - I would not do that again. I missed so much stuff. If I were able to pick the time and location of my volunteering then I would consider it, but I missed so much that I'm not sure it was worth it.

So many stories, so little time. I need sleep. I will hopefully add stories later.

Ah, but I miss Boston. If I could afford to live there I would live there in a heartbeat. The size, culture, mass transit, location, history are all wonderful. I miss it. I think I could afford it with a roommate ...

My Day of Silence

2007-11-10T15:37:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was a day to remember. For a class assignment I was not allowed to speak write or use sign language. Instead, I was to build a communication board and use that along with gestures, non-speech vocalizations (uh huh), and facial expressions/body language to communicate.

Needless to say it was an interesting day. It began at Waterstreet (the variety in my coffee joints absolutely astounds me). I walked up to the counter and placed my communication board on the counter. The attendant looked at me with a puzzled glance. I let her read my introduction paragraph - basically saying for a class I was not allowed to speak etc. I had it all planned out - on my communication board I had cells labeled 'coffee' and right next to it a cell labeled 'incredible bar' (peanut butter fudge covered in dark chocolate - delicious. In my plan, when I would tell the cashier what I wanted I would only point to coffee and I would see if I got an incredible bar to - I had built some ambiguity into the system to see if the attendant would follow my communication or if he/she would assume too much and give me both items.

Well, my plan was partially thwarted - the attendant was too good a communication partner - she did all the work so I didn't need my communication board. She asked yes and no questions before I could tell her what I wanted with my board. So, she asked me if I wanted coffee, and then I said yes and spelled out d a r k for the dark roast. She then asked me if I wanted room for cream, I indicated no. Then, contrary to every other time she didn't ask me if I wanted anything else. If I had wanted an incredible bar I could have shown her the icon for it. Because I didn't want anything other than coffee everything in the communicative exchange went well. The thing I can't tell is if my order is so ritualized that she knew I didn't usually get anything other than the dark roast, or if she wanted to exchange to go smoothly so she kept it simple.

Anyway, I did a lot of no talking and pointing and such. During my day I took a break from being silent and had a meeting with Dr. Tasko about PhD stuff. To make a long story short, we talked about what I should do, and where I should go and all that jazz. So, I have a new top five list:

1. University of Iowa

1. Purdue University

3. University of Colorado-Boulder

4. Vanderbilt University

5. University of Pittsburg

I have contacted people from these universities, and am awaiting replies. I am still planning to take a year or two off, but one of the things Dr. Tasko said was to establish lines of communication early, because the professors will be able to let me know when funding will become available. I refuse to go anywhere that does not give me funding.

Now I get to begin the process of reading the researcher's past work, visiting the campuses, talking with faculty, etc. But - first graduation and finding a job.

And all that jazz

2007-11-06T16:35:00.000-05:00

So, I'm at Waterstreet (surprise, surprise) and I just overheard a group of coeds studying for a test of some sort. It had some medical (neurological) component to it - they were discussing aphasia (a group of language disorders that occur after a stroke or traumatic brain injury). Anyway, my brain ached because their definitions of aphasia were so simple. I thought about going over to explain to them that in Broca's aphasia it's not just that your 'tongue is broken', but rather your brain is not able to tell your mouth how to form words with the ease it did before the stroke, and that Wernicke's aphasia was not 'a loss of short term memory', but rather, an inability to accurately process incoming acoustic stimuli, thus your speech production is a series of phonetically correct words but the message of the speech has been lost (that's why it's called empty speech - the message is not there anymore). Alas, I decided to let sleeping dogs lie, and didn't correct them of their misnomers.

In other news ... my supervisor was at a conference in Grand Rapids today, so I did therapy all by myself! Everything went fine - nothing out of the ordinary (we did have two more emotional mini-breakdowns than usual, but nothing I couldn't handle). Our afternoons are usually spent doing assistive technology stuff, but because Elizabeth wasn't here I went downstairs and "helped" Sarah. (Helped is in quotations because she doesn't need help, and by my being there I increased her work load, but I helped. On the flip side, one of the kids Sarah worked with today had his best day ever - he was independently signing - something that hasn't happened yet!). Sarah works with a young population that Elizabeth and I work with. Our caseload consists of middle-high school aged kids with severe cognitive impairments. Some of our students have some autistic traits, but no one with full blown autism (we're all on the spectrum a little bit anyway). Sarah's caseload is a much younger crew: elementary aged kids. The ones I saw today have more autistic traits than my students, so it was good and interesting to interact with them.

I have to say, that before coming to Croyden autism scared me. I had never worked with anyone with autism, I had barely even seen what autism is like. Having been here (and observed the severe cases of autism) I am no longer scared. In fact - sometimes it's down right hilarious. That may sound cruel, but when a child sees a toy they really like and they flex and extend their body so much they almost fall out of the chair it's really funny. We use language and other linguistic acts to express our feelings, some of these children use large movements, and random vocalizations. By the way, reverse phonation (making voice on the inhalation instead of the exhalation) sounds really crazy when a 7 year old boy does it.

Anyway, my phone is dead and I am expecting a phone call, so I should really go home and charge it. Curses, I didn't want to leave this early.

I have a plan! Or so I think.

2007-11-01T23:11:00.000-04:00

Ok, for those of you who don't know I have been thinking about going on to get my PhD in speech sciences. So, as I'm nearing the end of my masters degree it is time to begin thinking about the possibility of becoming Dr. Brown (that has a nice ring to it). So here is my plan, cursory as it may be.

I will take a year (or two) off of school. I am burnt out and need some time to recoup. If I take one year off of school I will look for a job in the same town as the PhD program I plan to attend. If I take two years off I am going to take a job in a really cool city, get my certification and then move to the city were the program is in.

During the year I am in the university's city I will work and network with the professor I plan to work with. This will get me involved in research and allow me to maintain my sanity. Right now I have two choices of programs that stand out in my mind. The first choice is the University of Iowa, located in Iowa City, Iowa. (I know, I know, Iowa City is the antithesis of what I wanted out of a city: big and on the water). Anyway, I like Iowa because they are doing research into identifying subtypes of stuttering and risk factors in childhood stuttering: two key areas in my opinion of how to go about further researching stuttering. I also like it because University of Iowa is were speech pathology was born. Stuttering therapy was developed at WMU, but speech path was birthed at Iowa. Furthermore, Iowa is dripping in stuttering expert alumni (Charles Van Riper, Wendell Johnson, Oliver Bloodstine [all of whom stuttered] the list goes on). Not that I expect to join that short list of world renown stuttering experts, but just being where they were would be cool. (For those of you who know of the Monster Study [teaching normally fluent children to stutter] - this is were it happened).

My second choice is the University of Wisconsin-Madison. While UWM does not have the prestige that Iowa has, it does have very good research facilities. And Madison is a cool city - so I 'd get to do my PhD in a cool city. And that would be awesome.

A third choice is University of Connecticut. Similar to UWM, they have really good research facilities. However, unlike Madison, Storrs is not a cool city, and from what I heard when I was looking in UCONN for my masters, most of the faculty and masters students live in Hartford and drive the 30 minutes to school everyday.

I don't really know where I'm going to be or what I'm going to do. I'm meeting with Dr. Tasko and Dr. Sharp sometime in the near future to talk about PhD stuff. I'll get some good counsel from them. (it's a little bit funny, but Dr. Sharp got her PhD at Iowa and Dr. Tasko got his from UWM). The only thing I do know is that I am going to take a year off. I'm a little leery to take a year off because once you leave it's difficult to get back into the swing of academia. It seems as though most of my professors did take a break between their masters and doctorates, so they did it, I assume I would be able to make the transition too. Also - if I move to the city were my program will be then there will be a forethought of: I'm going to get my PhD. I think that might be necessary.

Anyway, I think it's about time I go to bed. I'll talk about my day later - I had an interesting one including playing acrobatics on a playground for the pleasure of a 14 year old girl with a cognitive impairment.

A Little Perspective

2007-10-26T14:40:00.001-04:00

So, here I am at Waterstreet (again - but the one downtown this time), it's a beautiful October day and in six months and one day I will be graduating. (I actually probably will not be done until June, but I'll be walking in April). I have almost reached the half-way point with my thesis (I am now officially behind on it and not from a lack of work just from a "Crap, this is a lot of work" syndrome).

Not having any idea where you will be in 8 months is an odd feeling. I could be in Seattle, Boston, Kalamazoo, Washington DC, Tyler, TX, anywhere. With that in mind I find myself enjoying the pleasant weather in Kalamazoo every chance I get. Kalamazoo is a really cool place to live when the weather is nice. When the weather is "less than nice" it looses a lot of it's charm. There are glimmers of hope in the 6-month ice age that is about to ensue, but for the most part it's bitter cold and windy for a long freaking time. There are also some items of memorabilia I want to pick up before leaving: a cup (and/or t-shirt) from Waterstreet, a t-shirt from bell's, a picture of Kraftbrau's (before it closes).

My college years are 6-8 months from completion. I'm a little bit excited about that. At the same time it's a little intimidating. When I'm working people will be depending on me for their care. People will be relying on my expertise in speech, language and cognition - my performance will never again influence me and me alone. I will have clients, colleagues, supervisors all relying on my work. This realization (in my opinion) is the fundamental difference between undergraduate and post-graduate collegiate work. There is the realization that you, as the certified and licensed speech-language pathologist, will be responsible for the neuro-rehab of my clients (in my view that is what all therapy is - changing neurological function. Be that in the child with an articulation disorder (saying w for r ... this is for you Justin, Natalie, Theresa, and anyone else who will understand ... wiquid gwiding) or in the adult whose brain has been altered after a stroke or traumatic brain injury. Everything is neurological in nature - our behaviors, our thoughts - what would be really interesting if they could prove the presence of God through neural studies - our soul, our interactions with God affect our minds and bodies; furthermore, those interactions should be observable in the human brain. Oddly enough, there are people working on just that).

Anyway, that's enough perspective for me. I need mine in small doses.

My No Tolerance Policy

2007-10-22T12:08:00.000-04:00

The first chance I got to enact my no tolerance policy occurred today. I was at Waterstreet working on my thesis (by the way, I'm still at Waterstreet and should probably still be working on my thesis - but this was so good I had to blog about it now).

Anyway, I was sitting in a comfy chair minding my own buisness, and this young lady comes in and sits across from me on the comfy couch. She saw that I was reading articles and typing on my computer so she begins small talk and asks if I'm studying for midterms. I politely respond no I'm working on my thesis. (Now, bear in mind that I'm a little dehydrated this morning which affects my vocal folds and starting my voice is more difficult - therefore stuttering is much easier - so why I'm drinking coffee and not water I don't know eh, not important). So, I stuttered on "I" - it was just hard to get my voice going.

She did a little laugh. (remember this is the most common negative response I get). So, I said, "What?".

"Nothing" she replies looking away sheepishly. Once her gaze returned to her book she did another little laugh.

Now, I just want to prove my point to her. So, I said, "You laughed, I just wonder what's so funny."

"Nothing."

At this point I almost said, "Well, it looks like your laughing at me because I stuttered in my speech." I really think I should have...but then again she's still sitting across from me, so I could still say that. But, I'm taking small steps. The pre-no-tolerance-policy-Bryan would have let the laugh pass by without a second thought. At least now I addressed it. Next time I'll go a little bit further.

So. It's interesting that the person who mocked my stutter once again perfectly fits the profile. In contrast, while ordering my coffee I stuttered (once again dehydrated vocal folds - in fact there I was nearly relocated to a whisper). The cashier was male, and didn't even blink when I stuttered (furthermore, my stutter with him was worse). Interesting facts about speech disorders and gender roles.

Anyway, I've blogged what I wanted to. I should get back to my thesis.

The Joy of Stuttering

2007-10-14T19:53:00.000-04:00

So, for the first time in a long time someone actually mocked my stutter. I was at Theresa's Dead Celebrity Party (I was Charles Lindbergh). So, in response I said, "So what, I stutter, back off."

Which brings me to an interesting point. Over the past few years I have interacted with many people, some of whom have mocked me because I have a difficult time speaking in a fluid manner. Generally, the mocking exists as a simple laugh. In rare cases, like the one last night the individual actually mimics my dysfluency. In this case it was a t-t-t. Anyway, the point of this is that the majority of individuals who mock me to my face were young women. I have no doubt that my age (and possibly gender) influence their likelihood to mock (if I were much older than they I expect they would defer to the culturally expected norm to 'respect your elder', as for my gender, I don't know if I would be mocked more or less if I were female).

Anyway, I have decided that I am enacting a Zero-Tolerance policy when it comes to people mocking my stutter. If I am laughed at while ordering coffee (or anything else) I will ask the attendant what is so funny - because apparently what they find funny is synonymous with what I find terribly frustrating. And asking them what's funny about stuttering may put them in their place, and allows me to be more open about my speech disorder. And it would give me an opportunity to educate my fellow humans about speech disorders, specifically stuttering. Furthermore, as a future speech-language pathologist it is my responsibility to increase awareness about speech disorders. The attendants that mock me will hopefully not mock another individual who stutters, thus, making the world a more friendly place for my prospective clients.

Anyway, I'm done ranting now.

2007-10-04T15:49:00.000-04:00

Today was an interesting day to top all interesting days. It began with my time at the Young Adult Program (as part of my internship at Croyden Ave School I spend Thursday mornings at another school for young adults with developmental delays - these individuals have much higher functional capacities than the individuals at Croyden do; however, their impairments still remain significant). Anyway, for the most part the students are highly sociable and will willingly interact with any person willing to take the time to listen to what they have to say. So, today I had interactions with a teenage girl who said she was bleeding (there is a really funny story about this; however, it is not appropriate to post on the internet, so you know), and a 21-year old man who is excited because can "gets to drink beer now."

This opened up an interesting conversation between my supervisor and I: should individuals with cognitive impairments, of sufferable age, be allowed to drink alcohol in to the point of inebriation? After all, they do have suffrage. Furthermore, if I chose to, I could go out drink like a fish and possibly injure myself - and as long as I did not place another individual in harms way - I would be well within my rights. However, if an individual over the age of 21, living in a group home drank alcohol and became inebriated that individual's supervisor would face disciplinary action through the employer and may even face the possibility of criminal prosecution via the individual's family. So, a dichotomy exists - I (as the supervisor of a group home) cannot legally bar the home members from consuming alcohol, yet if I do not stop them I face punitive action. So, I must choose between my job and my client's right to consume alcohol.

To this quandary, we could add this: should we even deprive an individual with a cognitive impairment the very powerful learning experience of 'hangover'? It would serve as another tool to teach cause and effect (as well as moderation - a seemingly difficult concept to teach). I am learning a lot more than 'how to give speech therapy' at my internship.

I have learned that individuals with cognitive impairments are not all that different from you and I. The primary difference between us is my increased skill at dealing in the abstract, or 'outside the box'.

The Picture

2007-09-29T23:41:00.001-04:00

I don't know why, but suddenly the picture wanted to upload. So, anyway, this is a picture of some red delicious apples taken with my phone. It was a perfect day for apple picking. If anything, it could have been a few degrees cooler. But, I'm not complaining about warm weather. Soon enough we will have nothing but snow and wind.

All the best intentions and Technical Problems

2007-09-29T21:21:00.000-04:00

So, I was going to post earlier, but due to technical difficulties I was unable to post a picture I wanted to post. So, I am going to try again, but if it doesn't work then oh well.

So anyway, last week Theresa, Emily, Emily's brother (Bill) and I went apple picking. Great fun. We still have lots of apples. I don't really remember if there was anything else I wanted to say. The picture I was going to post was of a tree with apples in it (so Justin and Natalie could look longingly at Michigan apples).

Anyway, Tuesday was a good day. My supervisor was sick, so I got the day off too! I began the day having breakfast with Theresa at her office hours for Sigma Tau Delta. I don't really know why they have office hours, but I got to eat breakfast with Theresa because of them, so that's cool. Then I spent the remainder of the day looking for (new) flights to Boston in November, and working on my thesis.

The flights for Boston are (new) because we had booked flights in March, and then Spirit airlines decided that they were no longer flying from Detroit to Boston, and so they 'graciously' gave us our money back. Needless to say I was less than pleased. I was raving mad. I called, emailed, wrote them letters, and did not receive a response. Therefore, I am being true to my word: I cannot recommend Spirit Airlines for your travel plans, they are unable to guarantee the flight you book will be there, and they apparently are not willing to make adequate compensation (find another flight for you on another airline). So, never fly Spirit Airlines.

So anyway, I found a flight on Northwest, but we are flying into Providence, RI and then taking the train up to Boston. This was cheaper than flying into Boston. Well, flying from Chicago to Boston was the same price, so either way we will have a 2 hour drive, a 1 hour train ride and a 2-3 hour flight.

That night Diane Rehm (from NPR) spoke at the Bernhard Center. I went and watched her. She made a really good presentation. One of my favorite parts was when my classmate, Colleen, asked her about her life with spasmodic dysphonia (that's the disorder she has that makes her voice sound strained/strangled). Other then that, the primary message of her speech was: listen. People should listen more and talk less.

The rest of the week when by uneventfully. I had a thesis meeting with Dr. Tasko yesterday. We met at Waterstreet Coffee Joint (on Oakland Dr.) and he bought be coffee. It was great. While he was tearing apart my writing (it wasn't that bad) be said that my writing style was better than a lot of my peers (if you're one of my peers, I'm sure he didn't mean you). So, I felt good about my writing, even though it was completely altered. Anyway, we're having another meeting on Monday morning, so I've got a lot of work to do this weekend. I summarized another article, and I've got two more plus the edits we outlines yesterday to finish. It should be a busy day.

Other than that, life is pretty boring. I've got a sinus infection. (my first one in several years). It's not bad. It consists of a runny nose and that 'stuffed head' feeling. There's not much of a headache, and I really hope I don't develop one.

Anyway. I better go - may battery is about to die.

The picture didn't work.

Grumble, rant, grumble

2007-09-20T18:17:00.000-04:00

Sorry, I promise I will not use this blog to rant and rave against 'the man' or anyone else for that matter ... but I am a little bit frustrated today. I went to the library to get some articles for my thesis. They were archived journals, so they are not for circulation. Anyway, I forgot my copy card (mistake #1), then I forgot to bring cash to buy another one (mistake #2). I really didn't want to buy another one (I have two already). So, then I asked an aide if the library had any scanners I could use. Of course they do not. The computer lab, which is connected to the library, has some, but the librarians would not allow me to take the journals out of the library. I would have left them my ID and/or my license ... ah but to no avail. So I politely requested the library invest in getting some scanners.

In other news:

I forgot how awful giving standardized tests are. I evaluated a boy at my internship today (the PLS4 - Preschool Language Scale 4th edition). Even though I've given it several times, I always forget how awful it is to give. You want the kid to do well, yet the better the kid does the more torture you are put through. Today was especially difficult - in order to end the test you have to establish a ceiling (6 wrong answers in a row) - anyway the boy I was testing got 5 wrong in a row - and then got the 6th one right - which means we have to start establishing a ceiling all over again. Which means he got 11 of the last 12 questions wrong. The poor guy.

Side note: the office assistant from my old job (the Civic theatre) just walked into the coffee shop I'm in - I don't think she recognized me.

Anyway. It's almost 7 I think it's time for dinner.

Pinky and the Brain

2007-09-19T18:22:00.000-04:00

So, I began the day with an exciting hour in the anatomy lab! I just love the smell of formeldahyde in the morning, don't you?

Anyway, we were examining human brains. It was incredibly interesting. The brain is such a complex organ. I know a fair bit of neurological anatomy, yet I still felt completely inadequate after leaving the lab. There is so much I don't know, and we were just labeling things. We were not diving into what brain areas control what. We got into a little bit of that in the basal ganglia and cerebellum - but both of those are part of the secondary motor pathways.

Anyway - I saw several human brains today! I know not everyone gets excited about that, but I do. I have a greater understanding about the brain as a whole, but also the arteriole circulation to the brain (we have never really talked about venious venting of the brain, but from what I understand the veins are really boring. And if anything vascular is going to happen to the brain it is going to arrise from the arteries. I suppose aneurisms could stem from veins, I don't really know ... but the blood pressure would be less great in veins, so specifically aneurisms would be more likely in the arteries. Sorry, thinking "out loud" again.)

Anyway ... not much else ...

Internship Day 3

2007-09-18T20:39:00.000-04:00

Today was a good day. We started off doing group therapy. However, in our first group 2 of our 4 students were not ready, so we just did therapy with the two that were ready, then we did therapy with the other two. It actually worked really well. Anyway, but that's not the important item of the day.

In the afternoon we attempted to do some evaluation of an older student - essentially we were wondering: "Can he operate a switch" (by switch we mean button he can push). We aren't really sure weather he can or not. We didn't get reliable results. Once again, this is not the important item of the day.

And the important item of the day:

We did a home visit today. We went to the home of a child who has a neurological tumor. The tumor has progressed so much that it is affecting his sensation and motor movements. We visited him to give him some 'independence'. Independence is in quotes because he is dependent on his care givers for virtually everything. This was only our assessment, but we were able to give him some control over his computer experiences. He gets a lot of enjoyment out of pressing buttons, so we added a USB switch to the computer, so when the mouse cursor hovers above an icon he can use the switch and start a song, open a program, etc. We didn't do anything amazing, by any stretch of the imagination, but we did allow him to regain a little bit of the independence he lost as a result of the progressive tumor.

Also, he really likes Billy Joel ... and he happened to like the Piano Man ... and there happened to be a piano in the room ... and I happen to know how to play the Piano Man ... so I played it and we sang along - it was great fun.

One thing I have noticed: children with severe cognitive impairments can show such immense joy. (Granted, an unfamiliar observer may not interpret their actions as joyful, but to those of us who have spent a little bit of time with them their joy is clearly evident). When the child we visited heard a computer program he had not used in several weeks on his home computer, he was ecstatic. Hearing his laughter (at something so simple as a song) was great.

Anyway, I better go now...

Inside Looking Out

2007-09-15T13:16:00.000-04:00

WMU is a fairly large university. As such, campus tours are a regularity around here. As I walked into the library this morning (from where I am writing this blog) I encountered two such campus tours. I am always amused when I see them, because I feel like I imagine animals at a zoo feel when patrons to the zoo stroll past the animal's exhibit. The animal is just living life while these weird bipedal, virtually hairless mammals oogle and gawk at the poor, bored-out-of-their-mind animals.

This is how I feel: here I am going to the library to catch up on some reading for my Advanced Speech Science class and I run into high school seniors and their parents touring the campus with the aid of a representative of the student body. So, let me let you in on my thought processes. I often think that these prospective students and parents might think ...

The collective mind of the alien people: "Ooo, look! There's one of those college students in his natural habitat. He's going to the library, I wonder what he's going to do now. Let's watch him. Oh no, he's coming straight for me, I hope he doesn't hurt me or something. Phew, he only went in the door next to me. I wonder what he's going to do. Maybe he's doing some reading for a class. I wonder how much homework he has for class. ..."

And within that collective though process, individual thought processes would also be occurring:

Parent #1 "Well, here's a nice boy. No tattoos or piercings. And oh! He's going to the library. I hope my Johnny stays as well balanced as this boy has."

Male Student #1 "Punk."

Parent #2 "There's a normal looking one. After seeing that other kid with the pink hair and multiple facial piercings I was about to lock Mary in her room and never let her out. Maybe college boy aren't all weird."

Female Student #1 "I wonder if he has a girlfriend."

Parent #3 "Orange sunglasses, humph. I bet he fails every class."

Anyway, that is just a taste of my internal monologue as I ascended the stairs to the computer lab in the library. Nothing profound, not even remotely 'normal', in fact, probably really odd. But call it what you want it ... I'm only a college student in my natural habitat.

Augmentative and Alternative Communication

2007-09-12T20:15:00.000-04:00

Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC). It is one of my classes this semester. To sum the class up in a nut shell, we explore and implement different avenues of communication clients can use on a daily basis.

Active participation is one of the standards we use to evaluate how an AAC device is working. Is the client actively participating? If not, what do we need to change to increase the function aspects of the device? Incidentally, that was our discussion in class today. My professor, Dr. Bedrosian, had a special project for me. During class my job was the play the part of an individual who was not able to speak. I had some limited writing ability, but passing papers would not be an option.

Anyway, this class is discussion based, so we are expected to participate in discussions about the literature, and devices etc. So, when Dr. Bedrosian asked me a question (me the non-speaking individual), I was unable to answer: I couldn't talk, I couldn't write, I didn't have a device to speak for me. In short, I had no option but to stare at her and shrug my shoulders. The rest of the class laughed.

So, later on, Dr. Bedrosian passed out some papers. I wasn't able to receive them, or pass them along. So, after the papers had sat infront of me for a few minutes my neighbor, Meghan, noticed, gave me one, and passed them along to my other neighbor. (and then, of course, gave me a quizzical look). More not talking later, and not participating in class (Meghan turning pages for me etc) Dr. Bedrosian let the rest of the class in on the secret.

When Dr. Bedrosian asked my classmates their internal responses to my behavior I got a lot of funny answers.

- "I thought he had finally cracked, broke under the pressure of grad school"

- "I thought he was having a stroke"

- "I thought he was really [upset]" (They didn't use the word upset)

Anyway, I thought that was really fun, and you might enjoy it.

Internship, Day 2

2007-09-11T19:27:00.000-04:00

Today was fun. I observed Elizabeth giving therapy and got to step in on some activities. One of the frustrations Elizabeth has expressed is that while the students are Croyden are learning functional tasks in their classrooms, Croyden is lacking in true academic content. Granted, these children are going to have a difficult time complete simple academic tasks, but even if the academia is not the goal of the activity it can still be used. In an attempt to bring a little bit of academics back Elizabeth has decided to use some basic science experiments in our therapy.

Today we experimented with colors. We had plastic test tubes (with screw tops - essential) filled with water. We then prompted the students to choose which color we would add to the water (4 choices - blue, green, red and yellow). Typically, these students have voice output devices (cursory explanation: the student selects a word from a display and the device produces the word auditorally). However, only one of the four students currently as his device. The other three devices are currently being serviced. So, the other three shared one we were fixing for another student. Anyway, once all five test tubes had been filled up we added more colors to them to see what colors we could make. So, the academics were really just a facility with which to prompt conversation, and while we didn't do direct instruction about colors, and the process of mixing colors we were able to give them an opportunity to observe science in action. Next time we might increase the complexity and mix food coloring with water and vegetable oil, and then mix the water and oil.

Later on in the day we walked around visiting other classrooms (giving me an idea of the variety of students and skill levels present at Croyden). At the end of the day we help bus the students to their buses. Elizabeth and I went to a middle-high school aged classroom. In that classroom there are no male teachers (fairly common, I think there are a total of three male teachers in the school - but in the speech pathology department there are 2 women and 2 men [with me] an equal split never happens - it's usually 80-90% women). anyway, back on track. In the classroom one of the girls shook my hand hello, and then grabbed it and held it to her cheek. One of her teachers jokingly told her that she shouldn't be flirting with someone she just met. She laughed and smiled. So, I decided to go with it, I told her I liked her sweater, and her hair etc. Her laughter was great! Maybe you had to be there, but seeing and hearing this child with cerebral palsy laugh and engage in a "typical" teenage behavior was remarkable. Many of these children are destined for a life of being forgotten and neglected, and for that instance this child was the center of attention. It was a really good experience, and one I think everyone else should have at sometime.

It's actually really humbling, that 5 minutes of 'flirting' (if you can even call it that) is something she will never get outside of school, and it was the only communicative act occurring at that time. Typically developing teenagers engage in much more subtle flirting as an overlay of oral communication (they flirt with their eyes and not their words), and don't even stop and think about the complexity of their ability to communicate. Even my own communication difficulties cannot hold a candle to the difficulties these people live with. My oral communication may not be as fluid and 'artistic' as a fluent speakers, but I can get a fairly complex message across.

Anyway, off my soap box. In other news, it was a windy day. I like windy days. I saw a blue heron today, and now it's time to go work in my thesis. I'm reading articles about breathing for speech!

Bronco Bash

2007-09-08T11:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, September 7, 2007, was the 27th annual Bronco Bash. For those of you who don't know, each academic year WMU celebrates with Bronco Bash - a fair type deal - lots of vendors giving away crap college students don't really need but take anyway because it's free. Throughout my time at WMU I have learned what the good vendors are and which ones are not. For example, Kalamazoo's metro transit authority (the metro for short) gives umbrellas away each year. Granted they are not sturdy umbrellas, but one usually lasts me 1-2 years - just in time to grab another one at Bronco Bash. This year, in addition to handing out umbrellas, the metro handed out rucksacks as well. I'm not sure if I'll ever use it, but hey I'm sure I'll find a use for it.

Other spoils of Bronco Bash include:

- Lots of coupons

- three plastic cups

- A popcorn container from the movie theatre (really cool because now I get in for $3 and I get free popcorn too!)

- Quite a few pens.

- Anything (and everything) else found its way to the trash can.

While at Bronco Bash I tried an oxygen bar. Basically they forced air (70% oxygen (o2), 30% atmospheric gases) into a beaker with a flavorful liquid, the higher o2 concentrated air was then forced out into a tube that connected to a nasal oxygen cannula and into my nose. Therefore, I was breathing in a pleasant smelling, higher o2 concentrated air. I chose peppermint. It was good - I'm not sure I'd pay for it, but nevertheless it was a new and different experience.

At it's most basic level using the oxygen bar does something along the lines of a hyperbaric chamber does (but less efficiently, with a lower concentration of o2, but more cheaply - oh and for non-medical reasons). The theory goes that a higher concentration of o2 in the atmosphere would improve all vegetative processes of the body (neural function, digestion, cellular absorption of nutrients). Therefore, when you have brief periods when you are breathing o2 fortified air your brain will work better (you'll do better on tests etc) and you will feel healthier. I was only on o2 for about 5 minutes, so I didn't get that much. The employees suggested anywhere from 15-30 minutes. I didn't notice any significant changes in my ability to process. Maybe I should design and implement my own research study: have a neutral party study and take tests while on o2 and off o2 and see if there is a difference. Eh, that would take too much time and effort. I'll be satisfied with something more practical: knowing that if ever I have a really bad smell in my nose that just will not go away, I can go just off campus and smell some o2 fortified air until the rancid smell is gone.

Anyway, this is me, signing off.

Internship, Day 1

2007-09-07T12:04:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the very first posting of my blog. Hopefully I will be diligent in posting, but you can never know how much time I'll have to post.

Anyway, Thursday, September 6, 2007 I began my internship at Croyden Avenue School. For those of you who don't know, Croyden is a center based learning facility for children through the Kalamazoo County School District with severe cognitive and emotional deficits. My supervisor (Elizabeth) is a speech-language pathologist there. She is also the assistive technology (AT) coordinator for the district as well - so we will be doing some site visits periodically throughout the semester - to make sure our students have access the the technology they need, and that the technology is functioning as it is intended.

Anyway, we began the day with a tour of the building. The building itself is an interesting design. There are two levels, and the upper level is essentially a large circle with arms extending off on several sides. The downstairs is less organized - I didn't get a good sense of a distinct shape. I'll talk more about that later.

Anyway, as we walked through the building we would see students and teachers in the halls. Every time we meet a student Elizabeth would engage them in some form of communication. (Which is good - especially because many of these children are poor functional communicators - they have a difficult time communicating everyday needs, let alone complex forms of communication like writing, recounting activities in days past, etc.). We could not walk 15 steps without meeting another child. (Croyden is not like your average school, obviously. There is a great deal of structure, but it's in alternate forms than your typical school. We'll get to this later).

So, when Elizabeth and I finished the tour we went out to lunch with another SLP, Dan. (The students call him Dan-Dan-the-Speech-Man, more about him later). After lunch, we were supposed to go to an IEP meeting (Individualized Education Plan Meeting - a requirement for every student who needs 'special' services in schools). The IEP got cancelled because someone was unable to be there - no one bothered to tell us, or the occupational therapist (OT), so you know.

Anyway, all in all it was a good day. I had few interactions with the kids; however, the ones I did have were quite funny. For instance, there was a little girl, we'll call her Jill. Jill was certainly my friend. As soon as she noticed me she reached her hand out to grab mine. I obliged, and started talking with her. Unfortunately, she was not verbal (she didn't use words). She pointed a lot, but it was difficult to understand her message.

That was a little bit about my day - more to come.