A Little Perspective

So, here I am at Waterstreet (again - but the one downtown this time), it's a beautiful October day and in six months and one day I will be graduating. (I actually probably will not be done until June, but I'll be walking in April).  I have almost reached the half-way point with my thesis (I am now officially behind on it and not from a lack of work just from a  "Crap, this is a lot of work" syndrome).

Not having any idea where you will be in 8 months is an odd feeling.  I could be in Seattle, Boston, Kalamazoo, Washington DC, Tyler, TX, anywhere.  With that in mind I find myself enjoying the pleasant weather in Kalamazoo every chance I get.  Kalamazoo is a really cool place to live when the weather is nice.  When the weather is "less than nice" it looses a lot of it's charm.  There are glimmers of hope in the 6-month ice age that is about to ensue, but for the most part it's bitter cold and windy for a long freaking time.  There are also some items of memorabilia I want to pick up before leaving: a cup (and/or t-shirt) from Waterstreet, a t-shirt from bell's, a picture of Kraftbrau's (before it closes).  

My college years are 6-8 months from completion.  I'm a little bit excited about that.  At the same time it's a little intimidating.  When I'm working people will be depending on me for their care.  People will be relying on my expertise in speech, language and cognition - my performance will never again influence me and me alone.  I will have clients, colleagues, supervisors all relying on my work.  This realization (in my opinion) is the fundamental difference between undergraduate and post-graduate collegiate work.  There is the realization that you, as the certified and licensed speech-language pathologist, will be responsible for the neuro-rehab of my clients (in my view that is what all therapy is - changing neurological function.  Be that in the child with an articulation disorder (saying w for r ... this is for you Justin, Natalie, Theresa, and anyone else who will understand ... wiquid gwiding) or in the adult whose brain has been altered after a stroke or traumatic brain injury.  Everything is neurological in nature - our behaviors, our thoughts - what would be really interesting if they could prove the presence of God through neural studies - our soul, our interactions with God affect our minds and bodies; furthermore, those interactions should be observable in the human brain.  Oddly enough, there are people working on just that).

Anyway, that's enough perspective for me.  I need mine in small doses.

My No Tolerance Policy

The first chance I got to enact my no tolerance policy occurred today.  I was at Waterstreet working on my thesis (by the way, I'm still at Waterstreet and should probably still be working on my thesis - but this was so good I had to blog about it now).

Anyway, I was sitting in a comfy chair minding my own buisness, and this young lady comes in and sits across from me on the comfy couch.  She saw that I was reading articles and typing on my computer so she begins small talk and asks if I'm studying for midterms.   I politely respond no I'm working on my thesis.  (Now, bear in mind that I'm a little dehydrated this morning which affects my vocal folds and starting my voice is more difficult - therefore stuttering is much easier - so why I'm drinking coffee and not water I don't know eh, not important).  So, I stuttered on "I" - it was just hard to get my voice going.  

She did a little laugh.  (remember this is the most common negative response I get).  So, I said, "What?".  

"Nothing" she replies looking away sheepishly.  Once her gaze returned to her book she did another little laugh.  

Now, I just want to prove my point to her.  So, I said, "You laughed, I just wonder what's so funny."

"Nothing."  

At this point I almost said, "Well, it looks like your laughing at me because I stuttered in my speech."  I really think I should have...but then again she's still sitting across from me, so I could still say that.  But, I'm taking small steps.  The pre-no-tolerance-policy-Bryan would have let the laugh pass by without a second thought.  At least now I addressed it.  Next time I'll go a little bit further.

So.  It's interesting that the person who mocked my stutter once again perfectly fits the profile.  In contrast, while ordering my coffee I stuttered (once again dehydrated vocal folds - in fact there I was nearly relocated to a whisper).  The cashier was male, and didn't even blink when I stuttered (furthermore, my stutter with him was worse).  Interesting facts about speech disorders and gender roles.

Anyway, I've blogged what I wanted to.  I should get back to my thesis.

The Joy of Stuttering

So, for the first time in a long time someone actually mocked my stutter.  I was at Theresa's Dead Celebrity Party (I was Charles Lindbergh).  So, in response I said, "So what, I stutter, back off."

Which brings me to an interesting point.  Over the past few years I have interacted with many people, some of whom have mocked me because I have a difficult time speaking in a fluid manner.  Generally, the mocking exists as a simple laugh.  In rare cases, like the one last night the individual actually mimics my dysfluency.  In this case it was a t-t-t.  Anyway, the point of this is that the majority of individuals who mock me to my face were young women.  I have no doubt that my age (and possibly gender) influence their likelihood to mock (if I were much older than they I expect they would defer to the culturally expected norm to 'respect your elder', as for my gender, I don't know if I would be mocked more or less if I were female).  

Anyway, I have decided that I am enacting a Zero-Tolerance policy when it comes to people mocking my stutter.  If I am laughed at while ordering coffee (or anything else) I will ask the attendant what is so funny - because apparently what they find funny is synonymous with what I find terribly frustrating.  And asking them what's funny about stuttering may put them in their place, and allows me to be more open about my speech disorder.  And it would give me an opportunity to educate my fellow humans about speech disorders, specifically stuttering. Furthermore, as a future speech-language pathologist it is my responsibility to increase awareness about speech disorders.  The attendants that mock me will hopefully not mock another individual who stutters, thus, making the world a more friendly place for my prospective clients.

Anyway, I'm done ranting now.

Today was an interesting day to top all interesting days.  It began with my time at the Young Adult Program (as part of my internship at Croyden Ave School I spend Thursday mornings at another school for young adults with developmental delays - these individuals have much higher functional capacities than the individuals at Croyden do; however, their impairments still remain significant).  Anyway, for the most part the students are highly sociable and will willingly interact with any person willing to take the time to listen to what they have to say.  So, today I had interactions with a teenage girl who said she was bleeding (there is a really funny story about this; however, it is not appropriate to post on the internet, so you know), and a 21-year old man who is excited because can "gets to drink beer now."  

This opened up an interesting conversation between my supervisor and I: should individuals with cognitive impairments, of sufferable age, be allowed to drink alcohol in to the point of inebriation?  After all, they do have suffrage.  Furthermore,  if I chose to, I could go out drink like a fish and possibly injure myself - and as long as I did not place another individual in harms way - I would be well within my rights.  However, if an individual over the age of 21, living in a group home drank alcohol and became inebriated that individual's supervisor would face disciplinary action through the employer and may even face the possibility of criminal prosecution via the individual's family.  So, a dichotomy exists - I (as the supervisor of a group home) cannot legally bar the home members from consuming alcohol, yet if I do not stop them I face punitive action.  So, I must choose between my job and my client's right to consume alcohol.

To this quandary, we could add this: should we even deprive an individual with a cognitive impairment the very powerful learning experience of 'hangover'?  It would serve as another tool to teach cause and effect (as well as moderation - a seemingly difficult concept to teach).  I am learning a lot more than 'how to give speech therapy' at my internship.

I have learned that individuals with cognitive impairments are not all that different from you and I.  The primary difference between us is my increased skill at dealing in the abstract, or 'outside the box'.